Matching Hair

A new year managed to sneak up me and I have yet to write you about your newest grandbaby. Oh daddy, you would just be smitten with him! Stacey was an absolute rock star (or so I have been told since we missed his birth) and had him naturally at a Birth Center in MO. It all started on a Monday morning and we were packing up the last of our bags into the van to head to MO to be there for his birth. We called Chris to ask about the weather because a blizzard was coming and we didn't want to get stuck in it. He answers the phone only to tell us that they are at the birth center and baby Ben will be arriving very soon. We were so excited and yet SO bummed at the same time because we knew we were going to miss his birth! The whole drive there we were texting them to get updates and awaiting anxiously the news that he had arrived. That evening we got the news that he made his arrival and we were so overjoyed that everything had gone so well! I could not be more proud of Stacey and Chris for going through that whole birth with no prior experience and yet totally rocking it! Chris took charge and was there for her the whole time and did exactly what she needed! He was incredible...but don't tell him I said that or he might think I like him! hehe So we finally rolled in after a VERY long two day drive avoiding a blizzard and had to wait until Wednesday to see him because we got in so late. Our trip was wonderful and tiring all at the same time. I wish we could have stayed longer to soak in all of his newborn moments!  He has Stacey's eyes and Chris's nose and mouth. His dark brown eyes just melt this auntie's heart and he is wrapped around all of our fingers! One thing that was an absolute joy to us was that he has your orange red hair! We were all so surprised to see it because we assumed he would have dark hair. But God has a funny sense of humor and we love this little piece of you that we have here! We spent Stacey's birthday, Chris's birthday, and Christmas there so it was a very fun, full trip! We were quite sad to leave and tears were flowing! The drive home was way too eventful and we got stuck in Amarillo in the Goliath Blizzard of 2015. I never want to experience sliding down a road and not being able to stop again! That was not on my bucket list for a reason! Talk about scary especially with a car full of my loved ones! But we made it home and Skype them often!

Stacey and Ben were able to come out in February and stayed for a week which was great except that my kids were at the end of a cold so we didn't get to see them much. That was difficult! I was torn between not wanting to get Ben sick but wanting to snuggle the heck out of him before he went home knowing that when he comes back again he won't be a snuggly little newborn. Now I know how Stacey feels every time I have a baby...it sucks! I don't like being an auntie from afar! I hope one day to have them close!

So here we are marching towards March and I can barely believe it is that far into the year! We are busy busy with school, field trips, birthdays, friends, church, etc and sometimes I feel like I am wearing too many hats! Most days I feel completely inadequate but those are the days I realize I AM inadequate and only through Jesus can I get through this crazy thing called life. I find myself missing you more and more as moments come and go and the amount of milestones that you have missed are starting to pile higher than the ones you have were here for. I look for every little bit of you that I can to still feel some closeness to you. The trip to MO was especially hard for all of us because those trips have always had you in them. All the rest stops we stopped at are ones we took us to, and it just felt like something was missing. I think we all had another cycle of grief during that trip but the joy of Ben helped to soothe our bleeding hearts. Mommy missed you, I could tell, we talked about you a lot on the drive there and had lots of conversations about Heaven and what you are experiencing. It helps to remember how sick you were while you were here and how amazing you feel where you are now. No matter how much we miss you, I don't ever want to see you suffer like that just to have you back! I read in a blog post a statement that rung so true. This gal was talking about her daughter dying of cancer and she said something along the lines of the pain of cancer doesn't leave when the person dies, that pain is transferred to the loved ones and we feel it long after they are gone. And that is the price of loving someone who has passed away. We will feel this pain for a long time daddy, but God is still here in the pain and every step we are reminded of that truth.

Miss you so much it hurts,

Your Favorite Second Born,

Carley

These are the pictures we took at your grave when Stacey came for a visit.