Things I want to tell my dad...: New Year with new aches

2012 is done and over...what a year it was. It started out fantastic with the birth of Owen and went all wrong after that! In hindsight mom and I were saying that we can see your decline...you didn't bounce back from chemo like you used to, you had a much harder time engaging with the family which was not normal for you, and you were feeling unwell 99% of the time. We chalked it up to the new chemo drug they put you on...but we now know it was because the cancer was winning. Thanks to the Lord though who, in the end, ultimately won by taking you home to be with Him. It sometimes feels like we lost but I try not to think of that way. Just a temporary separation before we are reunited with you forever! So with a love/hate feeling, we said good-bye to 2012. It was the last year we will ever have seen you on this side of Heaven. The last year I ever got to touch your hand, hug you, talk to you, and hear your voice. Things I so desperately wish I could do again! Colin has had many moment of grief lately, I found him bawling on the couch and when I asked him what was wrong he said he missed you and wanted you back. As a parent you do everything you can (with reason most of the time hehe) to keep your children from hurting and to make them happy, and in this situation the hardest thing is I am useless. I can nothing to take his pain, nothing to make him happy again. Only Jesus can mend his little heart, and I know He is and will. Cecily has almost forgotten about you and when shown a picture of you she hesitates a little to remember who that man with grandma is. That is such a blow to my heart every time it happens! Once reminded she knows who you are and does "Put your hands in the air and go woooo *tickle tickle*". But her memory of you is fading...which I guess I should have known would happen.
We celebrated the New Year with our traditional fondu night and had a low key night. I was still sick, as was the rest of the family but we celebrated anyways. Bryan had to stay home with Cecily because she was still running a fever at that point, but I took the boys to mom's house since everyone there was sick too. We came home in time to watch the ball drop together and drink sparkling cider. Colin kept telling me he was tired and I told him he could go to bed if he wanted and he'd then say, "Nooo I guess I'll stay up" haha such a conflict of emotions! He thought the ball dropping would be a more exciting event so that was a slight disappointment. Cecily just liked her cider and got some kisses from mommy. So that was our new year....low key...which is hopefully what 2013 will look like! hehe
I did get to hear the heartbeat for the first time last week. It's an amazing sound and something I always look forward to! Sue was able to find it really quick which was a first for me. Normally it takes them a while to "hunt" the baby down, but this baby was nice and high and ready to be heard! Hopefully that doesn't mean it will be like that when it comes out! hehehe We decided to find out the gender this time because we have MAJOR reorganizing and purging to do before baby comes. Things are tight at the moment and will only get tighter when we add a 4th. In order to make it more fun we are doing a gender reveal party so we can all find out together. I am excited about it!!! We will find out in February-ish...and have the party in March.
Well I have LOTS to unload from Owen's party....but that is next time's post! We love you and miss you even more than 7 months ago! Happy Heavenly 7 month birthday! (that's a mouthful!)
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley
Here are pics of the "great pile" clean up of 2012. It was quite the feat but I accomplished the impossible!

Here are some pics from New Years...I don't have lots just a few. Owen was being sneaky with his new found skill of walking so I caught him in mommy's "no touch" things.