White Christmas

Well, somehow I let a really long time go by before I got around to writing. Maybe it was preparing for our trip up to Pinetop...maybe it was all of us getting the flu...maybe it's 3 of us still having the flu....but excuses aside I need to write! We had a lovely Christmas up in Pinetop. The D family let us use their cabin and it was seriously perfect! We could not have asked for a better place to stay. We had a few mishaps...we (Bryan, me, and the kids) were the first up there and when we arrived the driveway was completely covered in snow. We thought "Eh, we will be fine!" And tried to drive right in...yea no! It had apparently melted and refroze several times and the ice made it impossible to get past the first hump...so we got totally stuck. God sent us an awesome helper named Dennis who was driving by, saw Bryan out in the snow shoveling away and pulled over, got a shovel out of his truck, and joined in. He then took his big ol Chevy truck and drove back and forth in the driveway to break up all the snow and ice so we wouldn't get stuck again. (Ha, that worked really well!) Made it inside finally and we got all settled in. It took mom and the kiddos a little while to get up there because they managed to drive through right as the snow storm hit. Mattie and Christian took a wrong turn and ended up taking like 6-7 hours to get there...but in the end...we all made it! The girls all chipped in and cooked dinner...mom and I helped out a little. But we mostly left it to the "younger gals". The boys played in the snow and had some Wii bonding time. Christmas morning was tough, mom gave us all items "from you" in our stockings and it resulted in tears. We got these beautiful necklaces that have your fingerprint in them and say, "Safe in His Arms" on the back. We all cherish them! She then passed down the boxer tradition to Bryan and got him a pair of boxers in his stocking. I want you to know we carried on your tradition for mom of getting her the Este Lauder make up set. The last thing we did that morning was read a page of your journal that you had written for each of us before your first surgery. It was interesting to see the transition in your handwriting...before your cancer diagnosis your handwriting was how I remember it...but after your diagnosis all your entries have this very distinct change. It was an anxious, stressed, worried, and uncertain change in writing. I hadn't noticed it until then...it hit me that we all have changed in ways we don't even realize. For instance, Bryan has made me aware that I often think in terms of death and funerals. "I want this song played at my funeral." etc. It's hard not to think along those lines when you have lost someone. Suddenly the reality of how short this life is really hits you and you feel the urgency of preparing for the next life as opposed to just concentrating on this one. Rabbit trail! So anyways...it was a difficult morning but we all survived just like we have every other event since you died! The rest of the day was spent relaxing, cooking dinner, and playing in the snow. Cecily really liked it...but the boys not so much. I have no pictures of them in it because they didn't stay out very long. Cessy liked to eat it...we just had to make sure she didn't eat the "yellow snow". We were all reminded if your rendition of "I'm dreaming of a brown Christmas....with all the cactus's you can see...." The absolute hardest thing was seeing the joyless face of Weston the whole day. Nothing made him smile. He just sat there, straight faced, and nothing mom could say would cheer him up. Ugh, it broke my heart! Such a heavy burden for an 8 year old! We were going to stay up til Thursday morning but with no warning the flu bug of 2012 hit and people started going down like flies. Fevers were spiking, noses were running, and crabbiness was abundant. So we sanitized the house and headed out Wednesday afternoon. It was supposed to be a simple "pull out of the drive way and leave" moment...nope! We got stuck again! The driveway had re-iced so when we tried to back out we got stuck. It took Stacey, Dorothy, and mom pushing for the van to get out of the driveway. 30 minutes later than planned and we were on our way!
So that was our Christmas. That week we ALL ended up coming down the flu and the kiddos are still coughing and have an excess of drainage. Luckily fevers are gone and moods are improving. But the clean house I once had is now messy and germy...so my weeks goal is to get it back under control because we have Owen's party here a week from tomorrow. My baby will be 1!!!!! Can you believe it?!
  Well I am not feeling so good as usual...Charlotte brought us a delicious pot pie and i've had 2 plates full...but now it's threatening to come back up. I love you and I miss you and I promise I will try to not let it be so long before I write again! I do have LOTS to write about all swirling around in my head!
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley