Lucy's Swift Arrival

You will be more than delighted to know that your second granddaughter was finally born this week! I know you don't really like all the gory details of birth so I will do my best to go easy but I know other people want to know and I don't feel like making two different posts! hehehe So here it goes...it all really started on Monday...she dropped so low that I got a (as you lovingly nicknamed them) a 'roid that was so bad I blacked out from the pain. And as you know, not even labor gets me to that point! Poor Bryan watched his wife go white and collapse on the bathroom floor and after that moment I was just done being pregnant. I was emotionally over drawn, physically beyond what I could stand, and mentally...oh man...just done! I had a midwife appt Tuesday morning and we had decided that if I was 3-4cm I would try the ever so fun procedure that the mere mention of sends you into the spinal twitch. Sure enough I was, so she went ahead and did it and I went on my way praying that it would work since it was 50/50 for me on working. We went to mom's for lunch since it's on the way home from the midwife and while there instead of my usual crampiness after I was actually having contractions. I was trying not to get my hopes up that it would go faster this time but I was cautiously optimistic.  We headed home around 1pm and I thought I had lots of time for my early labor routine-run errands, clean house, etc. Around 3pm I told Bryan that when the kids woke up from naps we would go to Target to do some walking to make sure they didn't stop and to get some last minute things. However by 4pm when the kids all woke up and Bryan got in the shower before we headed out I realized I wasn't going anywhere with how these contractions were coming...5min apart and lasting over a minute. I let "The birth team" know it was just about time and by 5pm everyone was there. After that I didn't really watch the clock but somewhere around 6pm Sue asked me what I thought I was and I said 7cm...sure enough I was exactly 7cm. Shortly after that my contractions changed and I had a feeling I had gone through transition because they got much farther apart which is what they did with Colin. So she checked me and sure enough I was ready to go! I got my zebra print swimsuit top on and hopped in the tub! I wasn't in there very long before we realized it had me way too relaxed and I was not "pushy" at all. Sue kept telling me to listen to my body and I just knew something was holding it up and that I needed to get out of the water much to my dismay. So I got out...went back to my bed...Sue took a "peek" and just as I had thought something was holding her up...but I will spare those details. So with a little help from Sue, she made her entrance after about 30ish minutes of pushing and literally a ballerina twirl with her arm up by her face at 7:23pm. (This is what I heard afterward...I was concentrating way too hard to pay attention to how she was exiting) As usual for my babies she messed up my tailbone on her exit/entrance and I am sitting on ice and making visits to the chiropractor. Mommy was there, Candee, Linda, Sue, Megan, and 2 wonderful midwife assistants for Sue. Dorothy was in the other room with the kids to entertain them and she came in right after to see Lucy in all her beautiful goopiness. It was a beautiful birth and even though I didn't have her in the water like I had anticipated it was definietly how she needed to be born! I would have labored needlessly for hours more had we not gotten me out of the tub for Sue to help things along. Mommy told me almost immediately how proud of me you were and how much you would have loved to see Lucy...and I hope that God let you sneak a peek of that moment (well I hope it was a PG moment). So her official stats came in at 8.4lbs (my smallest yet! YAY!), 19.5 in long (My shortest yet!), and her head was 13 3/4 around (my smallest yet!) born on 7/23 at 7:23pm. I know to most people a baby over 8lbs seems huge but she is such a peanut to us I can't believe I had a baby that tiny! She is actually wearing newborn diapers and clothes and I *think* she may stay in them for at least a week or two if I am lucky! She is perfect and the kids ADORE HER! I don't think I can say the words "Leave her alone!" anymore in one day without it being all I say. Cecily blossomed into a little mommy and even mommys Owen now instead of being mean to him. I found her (force) feeding him chips and juice this morning and saying "Here you go Owen! Try some! It's good, huh Owen?" Then when Colin was being disciplined and Bryan asked him what he needed to say she responded with, "Say you are sorry Colin. Ok Colin,  you may get up now!" It made us laugh...but we did have to tell her to leave the parenting up to us! Lucy is rarely without her little mommy by her side and Cecily puts bows and headbands on her and says, "Oh you look beautiful Wucy!" I am floored by how much having a little sister has changed her in just a matter of two days. Now the one kid that I am not surprised it reacting the way he is, is Owen! He does not like his sister...sharing his mommy...or his aunties and uncles not having him all the attention. I told mom when we have our next baby he is going to rub it in to Lucy that she took his place and now she is getting replaced...sucka! haha
Well, we are going to take the kids over to grammie and grandpa's for a little swim to wear them out. Last night was really hard to get them to settle down because they are couped up and not burning any energy. I have so much more I could tell you but duty calls! I love you and miss you so much and my heart aches that the one visitor she will never have...is you!
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley
Here are some pics of the birth and her last 2 days.

Between contractions at 7cm

10cm and got in the birth tub...this is what got us into this situation. bahaha

Owen watching mommy work

 

He even put goggles on to get in the tub with me!

And here she is! Fresh out of the oven! Lots of hair just like her oldest two siblings!

Colin checking her out...he approved!

A favorite of mine...Megan got me Paradise Bakery so I was enjoying my dessert first and Cecily was enjoying her sister!

 

 Mommy loving on her newest granddaughter...a happy heart is good medicine!

Auntie Dorothy is in heaven!

Bryan helping the kiddos hold her. Notice Cecily's joy!

She was ooohing and aaaahing over her.

 Owen demanding attention from Auntie

 Owen watching mommy and daddy wash Lucy's hair

 

 Uncle Weston is pretty happy with his new niece...for now!

 Owen needing more attention from his auntie

 Grammie snuck over for more snuggles

 So blessed by this precious life....I know she will bring the joy our family needs as we continue to miss you everyday!

 Ps-She has your toes! I will take a picture for you! We think it's funny that God have her your least attractive feature! ahahaha

Hold ups

This week has been one of those weeks of learning the ever painful lesson of God's timing is not our own. I had really hoped to have Lucy by now...after all her sister came almost 2 weeks early...but much to my dismay she is still in my belly rolling around and causing me a tremendous amount of pain! At the end of last week I woke up 3 nights in a row with lots of contractions that are the "real ones" I get when I am in labor. I kept hoping that meant I would have her very soon but they always stopped and I was left with feelings of frustration with my body. However, Thursday it became clear to me why I feel He stopped things. I got the results for my Group B strep and for the first time it was positive. Now, don't get me wrong, I know the research I know the stats so I am not worried about it being an issue but had I gone into labor before Thursday we wouldn't have known to do the probiotics, vitmain c, etc. and to keep our eye on her for the first few days to make sure she is alright. So I am hitting it with everything I got and praying God's protection for little Lucy. So here I am at a week til my due date and growing increasingly anxious to meet her and to get my body back. I am trying so hard to appreciate this last little bit of pregnancy, I really am, but it's so difficult when your body hurts so bad and your not so little baby thinks she has all the space in the world to move in your not so big body. It takes about 2 hours just to fall asleep at night because laying down seems to wake her up which means 15 trips to the bathroom, holding her feet down so my ribs don't break, and heartburn like a dragon is in my chest breathing fire! Poor Bryan spends an hour just trying to calm (both) his girls down because I get so frustrated that no matter how exhausted I am I can't sleep with her rolling around and she seems to need his hand on my belly to "tame the beast" as we jokingly call her. So that is life right now...the kids are very anxious to meet her and I get asked VERY frequently when she is coming out so they can hold her. I wish I knew...but only God does! I have had multiple people ask me if maybe part of the hold up is an emotional one...and my response has been...YES! I have poured so much prayer into my anxiety, grief, and depression but I know that no matter how much I have been praying about it and talking it through with Bryan it is still very much there. I am not really sure how to "get past it" because in my mind the only way to get past it is to just have her so that I can start that grieving process. I feel stuck I guess because I know that the healing will only come after this experience comes to pass, and just like with every other milestone, I can pour out of my sadness to Him and He can then heal my heart. So I don't know where that leaves me...I am so ready to begin that process of healing but He still has me here in the waiting so I am trying my hardest to learn the lessons I can in the waiting as they are just as important as the ones in the actual event. Waiting is just such a hard, hard thing to do! This poem has come back to my mind many times over the course of my life and even though in this situation it's not a "huge, life changing answer" just a simple "When will He have her come?!" I still thought I'd share it.

Wait
by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait." 


"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word. 


"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign. 


"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply." 


Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?" 


He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.


"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.


"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.


"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.


"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.


"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.


"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

I love you and I miss you more and more each day!
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley
38 weeks and going strong!

Surprise!

So back in February I decided that even though it was RIGHT next to my due date I was going to throw Bryan a surprise 30th birthday party. He hates crowds of people, parties, and being social, so I knew I was walking into dangerous territory but I couldn't resist. We have never had a party for him since we got married other than our combined Dave and Busters get together we have done in the past with close friends. But that in my mind doesn't count! So I asked Candee to help me out (the poor lady did WAY more than she was probably anticipating but she made it an awesome party!) since I knew it was going to be tough to pull off. Well, it was harder than I thought! I realized as the time drew closer that I really couldn't work on much for the party with the kids around because Colin would rat me out. So anything I did had to be when I was totally alone...and well that doesn't happen very often. After a not to long deliberation with myself, I decided catering it was the best option because I couldn't cook that much food without being obvious. Sadly his favorite place doesn't cater so I opted for the second best and did Qdoba and had a delicious nacho bar. We eat there once a week so it seemed appropriate! haha I have NEVER been able to surprise Bryan with ANYTHING. If I say, "Hey I got your bday present" He replies with, "Oh, it's ____ huh?" And he is right every time. I don't know how he reads my mind like he does, but it's scary! So keeping this a secret was TOUGH to say in the least. I had to say things to throw him off the trail completely, which even though he won't admit it, totally worked! He WAS surprised and I DID IT! We had a mad science party and Jack and Candee did a great job at all the decor! They made a science table for the adults and the kids, and had all sorts of fun gadgets for people to play with and experiment with. We also did a Periodic Table of the Elements cookie chart that was PERFECT and the gal who did it really went above and beyond! So all in all it was a great party...just missed having you there as usual. I had to get the ice myself which was just not ok and let's face it...you were always the life of the party! I don't know when I will get used to you not being there but it still just feels weird. In my mind I expect you to show up and be the fun talkative party guest who by the end of the nights knows more about everyone there than I do! Heaven must be having a blast with you there!
  Well, I have a thousand things to do, and no matter what my list keeps growing. We are trying to find a place to have ballet classes this year...it has been one of the most frustrating experiences of my life! I am trying to get Lucy to come out...also frustrating! I am trying to keep my house/laundry up to par so that when I DO have her it's all finished and I don't have to be stressing about it. Because you know I will! I am trying to be a good mom to 3 little kids who are not handling all the changes around here well so emotions have been high and tension even higher. And most of all, I am trying to mentally prepare myself that you won't be coming to meet Lucy when she is born. That right there makes me sick/cry just saying it.
 I love you and I miss you more and more!
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley
Some pics from the party and my 37 week picture with Lucy. Oh how I wish she would get to meet her grandpa when she makes her debut!

These are from the 4th of July....we had a low key day and had dinner at the Spears then went to your house to light off some fireworks. Of course all the kids stayed inside because it was "too loud and scary" and the adults all acted like kids and had fun blowing stuff up! Mom was up north camping with homegroup...shocking I know! And in order to keep her from leaving early they failed to tell her they spotted a bear close to their campsite. Weston did not enjoy it so much I heard and was a bit of a party pooper but hey what do you expect from a little boy who is missing his daddy?!

Feelings of Frustration

That pretty much sums up my life right now....almost everything has frustrated me to one extent or the other. Some are more extreme than others...but overall...I am just mildly frustrated! I am blaming it on pregnancy hormones because otherwise I have to face the fact that I am having an attitude problem and I don't really feel like doing that. hehehe Here are a list of my frustrations (because I know you are just so anxious to know!)
Frustration #1: My kids. I LOOOVE them to death but the last few weeks have been nothing but what feels like losing battles. They wake up fighting, go to bed fighting, fight nap time, fight eating what I put in front of them (unless of course it's chick-fil-a or Jason's Deli), fight with their friends, fight with their aunties and uncles, it's just one big fight at the moment and I am beyond frustrated with how much I am needing to discipline them over it! I long for the days when I could just enjoy being their mom...play on the floor with them and not be refereeing the entire time...sitting down to a nice lunch instead of forcing them to eat or go hungry...taking them to mom's house and they play nicely instead of constantly telling them to apologize to this person or that person for being rude. I know a large part of this is coming from their insecurity of all the changes around the house. We started re-arranging things for Lucy's upcoming arrival, Owen got kicked out of our bed and is in their room which is whole other battle, and obviously mommy is not as able to be as active as I was even a month ago so their little worlds are being turned upside down. And it has only just begun! I am doing my best (ok, maybe not my best, but trying really really hard) to give them extra grace because they are having to make a lot of adjustments right now too. It's just really difficult when I am already exhausted from this last bit of pregnancy and everything I have to accomplish in one day.
Frustration #2: My body. For some reason my body likes to practice labor for weeks or dare I say months before it actually kicks the baby out. I have constant contractions, lots of pressure, pubic bone is separating again, hips are so sore I feel like I have the flu in my hips 24/7, I can't eat ANYTHING without it coming back up (even a peanut butter sandwich), I have horrible indigestion to the point of my chest literally hurting, and this time around I am actually getting swollen which is making my feet and ankles sore. Not to mention Lucy had a big growth spurt this last week so I am being internally bruised by her feet, knees, butt, etc. My ribs crack when she is active and my hip feels like I have a bruise the size of Texas in it from her shoulders. I wish I knew how much longer I had so I could mentally prepare myself if she decides to be late...but that's the thing about labor...you have NO idea when it'll hit! I could have her tonight...I could have her in August! It's anyone's guess and that is so frustrating at the moment! On the positive side I am keeping my house picked up so that in the event I go into labor I don't have to worry about a messy house...but I don't know how much longer I can keep that up. hehe
Frustration #3: People! Oh man...sometimes I wish I could just go take my family and live in some remote area where I never had to see or talk to anyone. Ok, that's not true because I do love my friends and would miss them but oh man...some people are just downright annoying, flaky, immature, selfish, etc. I wish I could say I have had grace with the people that are frustrating me but sadly I haven't. I know I have been rude, snapped, or said things that (though true) were not necessary. Nothing frustrates me more than an adult having a temper tantrum or saying things to people that are totally uncalled for especially when they are going through a really hard time.
Frustration #4: The heat. Now, don't get me wrong, if it was just me, I wouldn't mind it one bit. But your grandkids HATE the heat this summer. Last year it didn't really seem to phase them...this year they are NOT happy about it! Yet, they still want to go places all the time. *sigh* Walking to Costco had all 3 of them in tears because they were "sooooo hot". I have carseat coolers so their seats aren't hot but they still freak out everytime we get in the hot car. Being 9 months pregnant does not help either because the heat makes me feel sick so I am not handling it too well either. I do have to say though I will take this weather over places that have snow, blizzards, tornadoes, hurricanes, tsunamis, etc. It may be hot...but if you have A/C it's really not that big of a deal...unless of course your kids are pansies. haha
Well I could go on but I will probably get myself in trouble so I will stop. Basically what it boils down to is I need to step up my time with God and get my heart in check. I will be much better off if I learn to just let things go and trust that HE knows what is going on and I don't always see the full picture.
Tamara took some maternity pics of me so here are some pictures of me and Lucy. I have to admit I have cried daily at the realization that you won't be here to see her after she is born, watch her grow up, etc. And when I say cry...I mean bawl. My heart is very heavy as her birth draws near and I pray that God gives me the peace I will need during and after her birth.
I love and miss you daddy!
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley