Frustration #1: My kids. I LOOOVE them to death but the last few weeks have been nothing but what feels like losing battles. They wake up fighting, go to bed fighting, fight nap time, fight eating what I put in front of them (unless of course it's chick-fil-a or Jason's Deli), fight with their friends, fight with their aunties and uncles, it's just one big fight at the moment and I am beyond frustrated with how much I am needing to discipline them over it! I long for the days when I could just enjoy being their mom...play on the floor with them and not be refereeing the entire time...sitting down to a nice lunch instead of forcing them to eat or go hungry...taking them to mom's house and they play nicely instead of constantly telling them to apologize to this person or that person for being rude. I know a large part of this is coming from their insecurity of all the changes around the house. We started re-arranging things for Lucy's upcoming arrival, Owen got kicked out of our bed and is in their room which is whole other battle, and obviously mommy is not as able to be as active as I was even a month ago so their little worlds are being turned upside down. And it has only just begun! I am doing my best (ok, maybe not my best, but trying really really hard) to give them extra grace because they are having to make a lot of adjustments right now too. It's just really difficult when I am already exhausted from this last bit of pregnancy and everything I have to accomplish in one day.
Frustration #2: My body. For some reason my body likes to practice labor for weeks or dare I say months before it actually kicks the baby out. I have constant contractions, lots of pressure, pubic bone is separating again, hips are so sore I feel like I have the flu in my hips 24/7, I can't eat ANYTHING without it coming back up (even a peanut butter sandwich), I have horrible indigestion to the point of my chest literally hurting, and this time around I am actually getting swollen which is making my feet and ankles sore. Not to mention Lucy had a big growth spurt this last week so I am being internally bruised by her feet, knees, butt, etc. My ribs crack when she is active and my hip feels like I have a bruise the size of Texas in it from her shoulders. I wish I knew how much longer I had so I could mentally prepare myself if she decides to be late...but that's the thing about labor...you have NO idea when it'll hit! I could have her tonight...I could have her in August! It's anyone's guess and that is so frustrating at the moment! On the positive side I am keeping my house picked up so that in the event I go into labor I don't have to worry about a messy house...but I don't know how much longer I can keep that up. hehe
Frustration #3: People! Oh man...sometimes I wish I could just go take my family and live in some remote area where I never had to see or talk to anyone. Ok, that's not true because I do love my friends and would miss them but oh man...some people are just downright annoying, flaky, immature, selfish, etc. I wish I could say I have had grace with the people that are frustrating me but sadly I haven't. I know I have been rude, snapped, or said things that (though true) were not necessary. Nothing frustrates me more than an adult having a temper tantrum or saying things to people that are totally uncalled for especially when they are going through a really hard time.
Frustration #4: The heat. Now, don't get me wrong, if it was just me, I wouldn't mind it one bit. But your grandkids HATE the heat this summer. Last year it didn't really seem to phase them...this year they are NOT happy about it! Yet, they still want to go places all the time. *sigh* Walking to Costco had all 3 of them in tears because they were "sooooo hot". I have carseat coolers so their seats aren't hot but they still freak out everytime we get in the hot car. Being 9 months pregnant does not help either because the heat makes me feel sick so I am not handling it too well either. I do have to say though I will take this weather over places that have snow, blizzards, tornadoes, hurricanes, tsunamis, etc. It may be hot...but if you have A/C it's really not that big of a deal...unless of course your kids are pansies. haha
Well I could go on but I will probably get myself in trouble so I will stop. Basically what it boils down to is I need to step up my time with God and get my heart in check. I will be much better off if I learn to just let things go and trust that HE knows what is going on and I don't always see the full picture.
Tamara took some maternity pics of me so here are some pictures of me and Lucy. I have to admit I have cried daily at the realization that you won't be here to see her after she is born, watch her grow up, etc. And when I say cry...I mean bawl. My heart is very heavy as her birth draws near and I pray that God gives me the peace I will need during and after her birth.
I love and miss you daddy!
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley
No comments:
Post a Comment