"Misery"

It's not as depressing as it sounds...Bryan always jokes that Missouri sounds like misery. This one took a while, sorry! I have been doing a lot...yet not a lot has been accomplished! Fancy that! It's like I have toddlers. hehe Anyhoo....so after our trip to OK we drove to Springfield to see Stacey. The kids were so excited and asked every 5 minutes if we were there yet. The weather was really cold the first day but it warmed up after that so we didn't have to bundle up our thin AZ skin/blood! The first night we went to Kim and Jason's for dinner and got to meet their little girl! She is just a doll and the kiddos had fun playing with their boys. Even though she just had a baby she still made us all dinner...she's awesome! Saturday we went to Silver Dollar City which unfortunately everyone else within 100 miles had the same idea! It was PACKED! But we still had a great time and the kids really enjoyed all the activities, gun shows, and cool little shops. The weather was perfect, the leaves were GORGEOUS and all sorts of colors that I didn't know leaves could turn. I *almost* wouldn't mind living there...except for this pesky thing called snow! Colin was so funny with the train robbery reenactment! It was a total flashback of my childhood and how scared Stacey and I always were with stuff like that. You used to take us on rides knowing we would pee our pants....and at the time I thought you were so mean, but now I totally get the funny factor! Although, I secretly still don't like you for telling us the Pirates of the Caribbean ride had NO drops in it at all...yea it totally does and I almost tossed my cookies while passing out with fear! Anyhow, Cecily became quite attached to Cat-Cat (Cathryn) so they were buddies all weekend. She would help her with Macie including bossing Macie around and tell her "Sit Macie! Dood job Macie!" Owen pretty much just hit his poor head on everything that weekend...he was totally growing, mastering the whole standing by yourself thing, on top of his unusually large head...yea it was bad! He looked like he had been in a street fight...with the coffee table by the time we left. Sunday was our traditional Bass Pro Shop and Lambert's dinner. The kids LOVE the Bass pro shop and spent hours running from vehicle to vehicle trying them all out. Colin preferred the 4-wheelers while Cecily took a liking to the large boats. She got nice and comfy on one and I literally had to drag her off kicking and screaming! She was TERRIFIED of the large taxidermy animals which is funny because last year she thought they were great...this year she was in my arms shaking, crying, and burying her head in my shoulder. Poor girl! I bought the kids the little rubber hook-less fish that we used to have as kids to put in the bathtub. They loved it...except Owen who kept getting them taken away because he was trying to actually eat them. Stacey and I had a fun walk down memory lane looking at all the rubber bait worms. G and G Strunk used to get those for us and we would love to try and gross each other out with them! We used them for playing mountain girls too. Oh to be little again! In between the two outings Stacey took me to a really cool antique shop by her house. It was fun seeing all the antiques there because there were some very different pieces from what you see here. I always assumed all antique places have similar things, but it was a whole different set of stuff! I bought something for myself and something for Candee. How can you go to an antique store and NOT by her anything?! Dinner at Lambert's was delicious as always and we caught lots of rolls! The fried okra was great, and of course the chicken and dumplings was delish! It's a really good thing we have to travel 22 hours to get there or I would probably be obese! Well, there was much more that happened while we were there but since I took so long to write this...I have forgotten. Bummer!
  Today we went to the zoo with Megan and the kiddos and enjoyed the beautiful weather we are finally having! I thought it would wear them out for a nice nap...but I don't know what I was thinking because that never happens! They took short naps so Colin was a crab for Cubbies. But he said his verse and after getting to see Cubbie bear he loosened up a bit!
  I'm having a bit of an emotional setback...no particular reason...just because! Life has gotten overwhelming again which has affected my ability to function. Part of me wishes I could just quit everything and have this whole first year to just..sit...and eat. But I KNOW that is not healthy so I am relying on the Lord's strength to keep me going and to remind me that the pain is only temporary...Heaven is eternal!
  I love you daddy and I miss you so much my house looks like it got hit by a tornado!
 Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley
Lots of pics again! I will start with the zoo one because it's from today and the one from my girl date with Cecily...the rest are from MO (they are not in order sorry! This blog is hard to arrange photos in!) Oh and notice Colin was not cooperating with getting his picture taken! For some reason he was a punk that whole trip everytime I got the camera out!

Slightly Less than Golden

Thursday was your little Weston's golden birthday! He turned 8 whole years! What a wonderful little boy he has become! He is so sweet to his niece and nephews...even when they are trying his patience by getting into his things, breaking his toys, asking to play on the Wii 1,000x in one day, etc. He is still OCD about cleanliness among other things and as mom puts it, "a bit of a freak out" with things that aren't going his way....you wouldn't know what i'm talking about because you NEVER freaked out if plans changed or didn't go according to how you wanted. hehehe Even though you're gone, we still feel like we have a piece of you here because Weston is so much like you! He even looks like you! I think he should have been the Wayne Jr...although I do find it funny when I think about how much of a polar opposite the real Wayne Jr is compared to you! Anyhow, Mommy wasn't feeling well on Thursday so when I stopped by in the morning while Colin was in pre-school I saw that she hadn't felt up to getting him his birthday doughnuts and he was a little...ok very freaked out about it. So I told mom I would go get them so he'd calm down. Which btw, I got totally lost, my GPS took me out to like Rittenhouse and Hawes or something like that, and my fuel light came on...kind of stressful! BUT I made it! We ate our doughnuts, and I told mom I'd take him to the mall since she had to take Dorothy to an appt. Picked up Colin at pre-school and headed to the mall, all the while your little boy was in the backseat looking completely sad and fatherless. I could just read all over his face how much he missed you, you would have been the one to take him out for breakfast, do something with him and Jake, etc. And instead is uncool sister and her 3 crabby nap-less children were trying to fill in that spot! I failed miserably! My kids were awful, Colin was being demanding, Cecily was being stubborn, and Owen wouldn't let me put him down. It was not very fun for either me or Weston. To make matters worse, mommy told Weston his birthday party would have to wait a few weekends because she needed to get his invites out still and oh man...that did NOT go over well! Refer to earlier statement...he does not do well when plans change or don't go according to his plan! So he spent most of his birthday a very sad/mad birthday boy! hehe But mom tried to make it up to him and took him and Jake to Wreck it Ralph yesterday, so I hope that helped a little...for mom's sake if nothing else! Because if Weston ain't happy...ain't no one happy!
   Last week went by quick...yet slow. Like most of my life at present! Cecily has had a very stubborn streak in her this last week so we have spent countless hours disciplining her just to do things like eat, put shoes on that actually still fit, get in HER car seat instead of her brothers, walk instead of be carried, let me do her hair, pick up the chips she dropped on the floor, stay in bed at nap time...etc. She has the will of a wild stallion! haha Things that shouldn't even be a battle...end up one because she just flat out refuses to do ANYTHING you ask. BUT we are winning whether she likes it or not and she will obey whether she likes it or not! She may call herself Princess Cessy (which btw, she told someone who asked her at the mall that her name was Princess Cessy) but I am Queen of this house, so I rule! :-D We went to the train park last week as well with Megan and the kiddos so that was fun. Owen loved the trains and was so excited to ride it! Colin was more into playing superheros on the train than playing...I dunno...A train conductor! haha But hey, what can ya do?! He had his 4 year check up and the dr said he looks great! He was telling him all about what he's learned in preschool with Ms. Tracy and Dr Jones said he was a genius to which he did a "Sheldon" chuckle and said, "Yea, I know!" Dr Jones said he is still in the 90th+ for height and weight and following his growth curve perfectly. He is starting to lose a lot of his baby-ness though which has my sad! He is beginning to look like a boy and believe it or not he is totally thinning out! His pants for the first time in his life are falling off without a belt!! Mom said he looks like he may be built more like Wayne Jr after all! Wouldn't that be weird to have the body of Wayne and the face of Bryan! ahahaha
   So, every since you died I have asked the Lord to give me a dream of you before you were sickly and obviously still alive. I have heard people who lost a parent say that it was so wonderful to have those dreams with them in it. I wanted to have that "time" with you too, but everytime I asked he replied, "You aren't ready". I could not figure out what He meant by that! How could I not be ready?!?! As always though, the Lord knows me better than I know myself, but He finally gave in and gave me a dream with my daddy in it. You came over for a little bit, we talked, I could actually smell you in my dream, and you gave me a hug just like how you used to...a big bear hug with my face planted against your boney chest. It wasn't long...in fact it was very brief...but when I woke up I was totally depressed! Normally you have dreams where something happens to someone and then you wake up and go, "OH WHEW! That was just a dream!" But in this case, I woke up and the reality is, you really are gone! So all day yesterday I was "messed up", crying, cloudy, sick to my stomach, and knew what God meant when He said I wasn't ready. I really was not ready to have "time" with you because my heart has not healed enough yet. So, now I am just praying I don't get another one anytime soon because it really did suck!
   Well it's actually a COLD (ok cold for AZ) November day, so I am going to make a chicken tortilla soup for dinner which needs to get started! We are going to meet the new youth pastor candidate tonight at church...I figure I should probably go because even though Colin is only 4...he'll be 13 before I know it! :-)
I love you and miss you much!!!!!!
 Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley
The first ones are of the train park, then I took some pics of Westy opening his presents. Cecily and Owen were being the annoying kids who try to open them before you do then totally hog them after! haha But he was a good sport anyways! And the last one is of how Owen fell asleep the other night. He was crying and being a stinker about falling asleep so I gave up, stuck him on the floor, and a minute later he found brother's blanket and crashed! Of course, Colin saw he was on HIS blanket right after this picture and pulled it out from under him which need less to say woke him up! GRH!

Life Defenders

  Saturday was the CPC Walk for Life. We have done it since Colin was a year old and it's my favorite fundraiser! This year we were blessed to raise almost $1,200 to help protect life. It is always incredible to me just thinking about the miracle of life! Truly something many, many people take for granted. Too many women think, "I will just get married, then when i'm ready, we will start having kids." But sadly it doesn't always play out like that. It's so easy to think that we will have them on OUR terms, but in reality, it is in God's hands! And even worse, the women who so desperately want a baby, never get one, yet watch all these women around them who "weren't planning to get pregnant" receive the blessing of a baby. It breaks my heart! (I should clarify, I don't mean ladies who weren't anticipating it, but were still delighted! I'm talking about ones who forever view that child as a burden) Every. Single. Time. I have found out I was pregnant, I felt so humbled that God entrusted me with the life He was forming inside me. And as soon as I saw the + test I said out loud, "thank you!" I never take my fertility for granted because I know just as easily as He opens my womb, He can close it. So all of that to say, (as you know) it's a cause that is very dear to me because I want women to realize that EACH and EVERY baby that is conceived is not an accident, and to just "dispose" of the "problem" because it's not on their terms just makes me sick! The kids walked with us and Colin complained the whole time that his legs were cramping. I told him he was doing it for all the babies that Jesus wants to be born. He didn't really think that was a great reason...but one day he'll get it!
  Ok, off that soap box! The rest of the weekend was a blur, I have kind of journeled out of order but my brain is all jumbled right now! I did our Christmas cards which was kind of sad because you always helped me with them, and now I am left to do them by myself. It's not that I can't do them, it was just fun to have my daddy help me!
  The kiddos are growing like crazy! Owen is taking a few steps here and there, he has 8 almost 10 teeth, and is saying mama, dada, gaga (grammie), tickle, boba (brother), and dog. He is quite the little character and his favorite thing to do is crawl around growling while leaving a nice drool trail down the hall. I have slipped on his drool many times! He was 22.8lbs and 28.5in. at his last appt. And wears 24 months or 2T clothing! My chunky monkey! Cecily is becoming quite the little lady right in front of my eyes! She follows me around helping, picking things up, putting trash in the bin, getting my shoes for me, getting diapers for Owen, putting clothes in the dirty pail, and all with a big smile on her face (for now). When I say "thank you Cecily!' she responds, "You're SO welcome!" And if I do anything for her she says, "Oh, thank you much!" She is just darling, feisty, but darling! Colin, oh Colin! Where to start!? He is still a ham, loves minecraft, Portal 2, The League of Incredible Vegetables, Spider-man, Ironman, the Hulk, and Batman. Superheros are his favorite thing to play and he spends most of his day in costume protecting the house from bad guys that pop up around every corner! Obviously, it goes without saying that he likes computer games...he is afterall Bryan's son! Yesterday I was watching him play and noticed he was stabbing a spider, I said, "Colin watch out! The spider is gonna kill you!" Colin replies, "No he can't mom, I'm in creative mode!"So, I got schooled in the game of Minecraft!
  Me? Well I am still an emotional wreck, miss you like crazy, and spend a good part of my day thinking, "Did my dad REALLY die?!" I wait to get a text, call, email, ANYTHING, but nothing. I re-read all your old texts to me, look at pictures, listen to your voice in home videos, and smell your old clothes. It's no where near the same as having you here, but it'll have to suffice!
  This is a crazy week, and I am hoping to make it through alive! I still have lots of stories and pics to post from MO, so I guess I'll have to make time for that too.
I love you and I miss you much!
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley
Some pictures from the walk, as well as a picture of us celebrating Mattie's 22nd birthday, and Owen wearing his Mater onesie that says, "I've got junk in my trunk"

Orange Day

Today was orange day at church....I wish I could say it was a typical Sunday, but it proved too much for my emotions. Orange day for obvious reasons was tough to begin with! Orange, your favorite color to wear, the color of your hair, not to mention it just embodies the type of person you were-bright, inviting, and cheerful! Had it just been orange day I would have been fine...sad, but fine. But of course they had to play the two songs that were near to your heart. In Christ the Solid Rock I Stand and 10,000 Reasons. I stood there teaching 2's and 3's listening to them playing and literally held back tears the whole time. I got to the car, called Bryan, and cried my eyes out. He sweetly listened to me blubber and when I got home he had all 3 kids greet me with big hugs and kisses! As you know, nothing cheers you up like your babies loving on you!
As Cessy now says, "I love you much! Miss you! See later!"
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley
This is how I remember seeing you on the weekends...reclining on your loveseat, phone in hand, wearing your orange workout shirt, and a big smile on your face because you were probably texting some one something sarcastic!

A watery grave

Well, we had another death in the family...Colin's fish from FFF. He woke up, went to feed it and said, "mom my fish is still sleeping!" I knew in that moment fishy was not actually sleeping but really hoped it was! Sure enough he/she was floating! I informed Colin it had died which sent him running in tears! He couldn't watch me flush it, which brought back a funny (but not at the time) memory of you flushing a fish. Stacey and I were in the bath tub, mom was bathing us, and you came in, dumped the fish down the toilet and flushed it. All with your two horrified daughters sitting there wondering what their heartless father was doing to their poor fish!!! We were pretty mad at you, and if my memory serves me right, you took us to petco later to get a new one. Oddly, I don't remember that fish's funeral! Hehe So all of that to say, to avoid being scarred for life like I am, I didn't let Colin see fishy get flushed. And now, I too have to go to petco to get him a new fish! Oh how funny life is!
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley
Here is fishy in the prime of his life!

Not-So-Sweet 48

    This one is going to be totally depressing because its all about mommy's first birthday without her hubby! Last year, you knew she was going to Einsteins bagels for breakfast, so you had flowers and a gift sitting at a table for her. This year, she went there for breakfast only to find an empty table. That just makes my heart ache and my eyes tear up just thinking about it! Her friends were so sweet and I know they helped make her birthday a little brighter, but there is only so much any of us can do! No one can replace her one and only! I did however try to do something special for her, I wanted to throw her a HUGE surprise party, BUT we all know how much she would have loved that, even if you were here! Hehe So instead we all went to Hobart house and Tobin and I made a build your own gourmet pizza bar. It was delicious! Then she took Weston and Dorothy out for a little socializing since it was Halloween. I had to keep the kids inside because Agritopia folks like to totally go all out and set up the creepiest displays! As it was just driving past them to get there the kids were crying in the back seat. When they got back momma opened gifts and we had some amazing cupcakes. She got adorable bird serving utensils, battery candles, a coach wallet, a tea organizer, and 2 movies she ASKED for! You wanna know what they are?! You will never guess....and we all think she lost her marbles! X-men and fantastic 4!!!!! How weird is that?!?! Bryan questioned her sanity and how well she is doing emotionally. Hahaha Her reasoning is she has 2 boys to raise on her own now so she has to learn what makes them tick! I guess it's valid but boy is it ever weirding us out! Last month she asked if I'd go see Avengers with her, I declined, needless to say! So all in all, it was just yet another celebration that had a hole in it. I told mom I don't know when it'll seem normal to not have you there, yet at the same time I don't ever want it to seem normal. Christian and Mattie weren't there because Christian surprised Mattie with a trip to Lake Tahoe for her birthday. He is such a thoughtful hubby! Although, Bryan says he is setting the bar too high early on, no where to go but up! HAHA He is being silly of course, but it made me laugh! In all seriousness, he (Christian) really is a wonderful, caring, creative, supportive husband and I am glad he chose my sister to forever spoil! She deserves it!
   I have to rant today, ready? Halloween! Why, oh why do people think stuff like graveyards, death, etc. are FUN?!?!? Every where we have gone for the last month we have come accross graveyard decor and all Colin says is, "mom, is someone buried there?" "My grandpa is buried." "Are we at a mineral home?" Etc. Death is NOT pleasant, it's not funny, and I don't think it's appropriate to treat it as such! Sure for those of you in heaven its fantastic! But for those left on earth or those who didn't know Christ when they died its awful, painful, and heart wrenching!  I know I'm taking things very seriously right now because of my grief but I will never understand the appeal. And Bryan pretty much nailed it when he said, "It's just grown women's excuse for dressing like a slut!" As if shielded my kids eyes from all the zombies, vampires, witches, goblins, etc was bad enough, I also have to keep my boys from being exposed to girls/women who think it's totally acceptable "because it's Halloween" to dress like a tramp! Ugh!
    I better get off that one before I get in trouble! hehe Mommy decorated the front patio really pretty for fall, even planted flowers in the big pots. We were joking that our houses are like we are, the outsides we are keeping all nice and neat, but the inside is a filthy disaster! Neither of us can keep up with the cleaning (mom has more of an excuse than I do, but I am still finding it impossible to get a single thing done!) and it's really starting to weigh on us. I think we are both getting to a point where we are just having to let it go at the moment knowing we can't do as much as we would like. Although, somethings like laundry, have to be done and when you don't...it really comes back to bite you! I put off laundry for 2 weeks...yea....it took an hour just to sort everything and I am now spending the next 3+ days doing 20+ loads to catch back up. I promised myself I wouldn't do that, but here I sit (ok not literally) in a pile of laundry that is bigger than me! Our trip totally threw off my groove. I had a nice cooking, cleaning, and laundry routine going...and sure enough....it's all messed up now! Next week I am determined to get back on that schedule so that I don't feel like such a frazzled mess. Today has been difficult because ever since we got back from Missouri Owen has had a cold, Cecily got it a few days ago, and today Colin woke up with it, so crabbiness is an understatement and sleep at night is almost non-existent! I haven't even gotten a shower since...Monday and I feel soooo gross but I haven't had a minute to make it happen. Just from Monday-Wednesday we had 5 dr appointments to go to and those always cut like 2-3 hours from my day. I am having a total pity party right now, but I am just not having a good day...make that week! I had *thought* I timed naps out to where they would overlap and I'd get a nap or at least SOMETHING done. Weeelllll the kids had other plans and no one napped at the same time, and to add to it, Cecily got a bump on her head while falling off the bar stool in an attempt to make her own chocolate milk, Colin spilled naked juice all over the kitchen floor creating a very (literal) sticky situation, and now thanks to said spill, ants are starting to make there way inside. All of that while I was trying to fold laundry in the other room. So laundry is not folded, the kitchen needs to be mopped again, and Cecily is still awake in what I am pretty sure is an attempt to make me lose my sanity! haha You miss it down here don't you?!?!
  Well I better go, Owen is crying in my lap with snot all over his face and my eyes are so heavy all I can think about is the bed that I can't crawl into for another...8 hours at least! I love you daddy and missing you more each day!
  Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley
Mommy's front porch, we found a praying mantis on the ribbon!

Mommy's birthday pizza!

Owie just got an apple

 

Look who is trying to walk! 

 

The bruise on his head shows his level of stability. haha Can you believe your little Owster is almost 1?!

 The guy flicks

 Coach wallet

 Cessy watching from the stairs

 Singing to mommy

 Delicious peanut butter and chocolate cupcakes from Blessed Bakes!

 Curly was Cat-woman! ha ha ha

 Tobin and I posing

 The boys playing around...notice Owen diving off the couch

 Your grandboys are growing up fast!

Remember the laundry I told you about? Well here it is...I put Owen on top to take the picture and he fell off! haha Good thing it had a LOT of padding!