Being Thankful

We made it through our first Thanksgiving without you. One word: tough! Honestly it's really hard to FEEL thankful when all I can think about is that you should be here with us still. I did the 30 days of Thankfulness on facebook, and I told Bryan it was my way of trying to get in the mood of being thankful...but truth be told most days I struggled through it. I sat there staring...trying to not let the sadness rob me of my ability to see God's blessings all around me. It was humbling to have Him show me all the good/great things He has given me. I wish I could say I spent November really dwelling on His goodness but it was a rough month...like all the others since June. I am learning that this is just life right now, and with time the pain will become less debilitating and those happy times won't be robbed quite so often of their joy. I had one moment of coming close to tears as we did the dishes at your house and that moment hit of, "daddy always did these!" I have pictures of you at almost every holiday doing the "clean up". It was my favorite picture to take of you...and now the last one I have is from almost a year ago since you weren't feeling well most of this year. I may have to frame it and keep it with me at holidays to put next to the sink as I do the dishes...yes I think I shall!
  I had one non-grief related God-teaching moment this week. And it came via Cecily...she walks around all day (in fact I literally just heard her say "I am a princess!) talking about how beautiful I am, how beautiful she is, that she is a princess, etc. and I had never really thought much of it. Then on Thursday as I helped her wash her hands she looked at me in the mirror and said, "Oh mommy, you're beautiful!" and in that moment I realized I had lost something when I grew up...my ability to see my beauty as Christ sees me. So many times I look at myself in the mirror and immediately I zone in on my "problem" areas...forehead, zits, smile, teeth, etc. and I judge myself. But I was brought back to when I was a child I clearly remember thinking "wow! I am so pretty!" I could have been wearing the most mismatched outfit ever, but to me, I was perfect! When as I grew up did Satan begin to feed me those lies that I am less than beautiful? It was a slow fade...it didn't happen all at once. But before I knew it...I was believing him instead of listening to that small voice saying, "You are fearfully and wonderfully made!" My prayer is that Cecily never stops seeing herself as beautiful...not in the vain way...in the way that God sees her! May she never look at herself and see her for less than who she really is...God's princess! You always made me feel beautiful and I remember so many times you told me how pretty I was as I got dressed up for things. My last memory of you admiring my beauty was just 2 weeks before you died. I got ready for Steve's wedding at your house and even though you could barely speak or open your eyes you got the words out, "you look lovely" and squeezed my hand. I will always cherish that last compliment from my daddy! Great...now I am crying! I do have to throw out there though that Bryan does compliment me every single day, so it's not for a lack of him trying that I struggle with my self-esteem! hehe
  Well, I got my meals planned for the week, the rest of my Christmas cards ready to mail out, and some misc. house work done. Didn't accomplish as much as I wanted but I rarely do! I love you and I miss you like crazy! Thank you for always reminding me that I truly am beautiful!
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley
  Some pictures from thanksgiving as well as some cute ones of the kids. Mommy also sent me some from Weston's birthday laser tag night. I love the one of Colin talking to everyone like he is 8 years old too!