Things I want to tell my dad...: Our growing Family

It has been way too long since I wrote but you haven't been out of my thoughts for more than a minute at a time. I don't even know where to start to catch you up so I guess I will start with the most exciting part...your Stacey Jo became Mrs. Choate! She is obviously overjoyed and I am delighted to see her so happy! She was the beautiful, radiant, and stunning bride that we all expected and I bawled through giving her toast. We all knew something...rather someone was missing during that event and it definietly made it a bittersweet day! Mommy walked her down the aisle and danced with her for her first dance, a position that should have been filled by her daddy...you. As I stood up there and watched her walk down I literally had to hold back tears...part tears of joy and part tears of sadness. Remembering the moment that you walked me down the aisle and how special that was and knowing that you weren't there for that moment with your Stacey was just...heart wrenching. No words can truly cover the range of emotions we all felt that day! It was absolute joy and deep pain all wrapped up into one long awaited day! Stacey was an absolute rock star though and handled it all with grace and joy! I don't know that I would have been quite so calm but she was the picture of God's divine grace. Chris cried through his vows...something I don't think I will ever let such a manly man live down. But to see him cry while saying his vows to my sister is also the sweetest thing to me. I know he loves her with everything in him and that is such a treasure to see! I wish you were here to meet him but maybe God has already told you all about him!? Some of the ladies from your office came and I know that meant SO much to Stacey! She really appreciated the love and support from everyone there!
We also added a new member to the Spears family which was kind of last minute but I am so happy we did! We got a beautiful Golden Retriever named Mollie. She is adorable and the kids just love her to pieces! Owen currently prefers to provoke her into nipping at him but we are working on that! haha Cecily reacts much the same as her mommy did as a child and screams, runs, and jumps to the nearest, highest object if the dog gets anywhere near her. Once Mollie calms down a bit I know they will be buds! Lucy and Mollie are two peas in a pod and we often find them together causing mischief. Like eating my decorations, pulling stuff out of the trash, spreading my laundry all over the floor, and eating crap off the kitchen floor. They will have a very special bond, I can tell! Colin is taking to his roll of "Master" very nicely and takes her outside to do her business and cleans up after her. He loves to play tug of war with her and she follows him around like....well a puppy! We all find it funny that just over 2 years after you die we now have 2 dogs in the family! Who would have thought?! Curly is still pretty unsure of her when we bring her over but they are learning to get along nicely. Curly just doesn't like sharing Weston and often looks at him with a look of, "Don't you dare cheat on me!" when he goes to play with Mollie! It's pretty funny to see such jealously coming from another dog!
Your grandbabies are growing up...fast! Colin is nearly 6 and Lucy will be 1 in a matter of weeks. I feel like I can't blink for fear they will be all grown up! We are enjoying our break from school and they are doing swim lessons with grammie Candee. It took a while for them to warm up to it...the first week was screeeeeaming that could be heard for miles! Now only Owen screams and the other two are ok. Colin is even beginning to swim across the pool by himself! I am so proud of him! Cecily is still a little too...dainty in her kicking to get very far but she is learning! haha Owen is too busy clinging to Candee to try to swim but he's learning some basic water survival skills...so I will take it!
Now on to me, today was hard. It was one of those days where I just didn't like the reality that I haven't gotten to see or talk to you in over 2 years and counting. How can that possibly be?! I talked to someone recently who said that they felt like the 3rd year was the hardest because your mind has really come to grasp what has happened instead of being in the fog of grief. I have to say I find that to be a little true. But I am hopeful that after this year it will start to become less painful...I hope! I don't want your memory to fade yet I want the pain to fade...however I know the pain is there because the loss was great! I visited your grave today for the first time by myself. I just sat there and cried. I wanted to "talk" to you but nothing would come out, just tears. I looked around at all the new graves that have been dug and filled since we buried you and my heart just ached. So much loss, so much hurt, so much pain, and the only one who can truly heal that hurt is Jesus. Knowing that some of those people didn't have the Hope I have was so overwhelming! How do they do it? I will never know!
Owen is now beside me asking me to lay down with him so I am going to go snuggle my boy! I will leave you with some pictures. You are greatly missed and deeply loved!
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley

Our trip begun! 20 hours there and 20 hours back!