Sleepless in Chandler

  It has been a rough week (or maybe longer, I lost track) of little to no sleep. We have started introducing more solids into Owen's diet and it is not going well. He doesn't have any allergies per-say but he isn't used to the...poo's it creates so it really aggravates him from about 11pm-4am when he finally able to go then he sleeps fine after that. He hasn't dirtied his diaper in the middle of the night for a while so we feel like we have a newborn all over again! I wish he would go BEFORE bed but for some reason the "urge" hits around 3:30-4am and the hours before it make him really squirmy! "A healthy colon is a happy colon" as you always said, but apparently his isn't doing too great at the moment! hehe Hopefully he adjusts to solids soon and becomes a bit more "regular." Ok, enough of the poo talk, besides that he is doing great, and has totally developed this personality over night! He growls if someone (or a dog) does something he doesn't like, he says, "ticka ticka ticka!" while trying to tickle himself, he sticks his tongue out at you when he is being silly, he is taking steps, he is signing "milk" and "please" all on his own, and is still at the receiving end of Cecily's rough love. We are totally enjoying seeing him become a little person right before our eyes! His likes and dislikes, what excites him, who he favors, etc. 10ish month olds were always your favorite stage so it's sad that you are missing it...but mommy is enjoying it for the both of you!
  I am still in the vicious cycle of "I am ok" "I am NOT ok" "I am ok" "I am NOT ok!" but I guess that is to be expected. My house still looks like a tornado hit it...but I am trying to bring back my old habit of just doing 10 minutes worth of cleaning every hours so at least some things are being accomplished. The holidays approaching are mixed with such different emotions! We are excited for the New Year because it means this horrible one will be OVER but we also meet it with pain and grief that you are not here to celebrate it with us.Thanksgiving is on Thursday and obviously I don't need to say it will be tough. I did however make my first turkey this year...it's for Colin's preschool class on Tuesday. I figured it would be better to give 4 and 5 year olds my first turkey because they won't judge me if it's dry! (Which...it kind of is because Bryan thought I said internal temp of 190 instead of 170...yeeeeaaa. Oh well!). But I bought gravy so they won't even know! haha I am just proud that I did it...ok Bryan may have done most of it because it totally grossed me out but I chopped the veggies to stuff it with and told him what to season it with! That counts for something right?!
  Cecily is currently serving me tea from her tea set while I type this. I told her I was writing to grandpa and she said, "oooh It's grandpa!" She loves looking at pictures of you and she says, "Where did grandpa go?! I don't know!" I am glad her little heart doesn't get it more than she already does because that's a lot for a 2 year old to carry! Last night as we watched a movie together, out of the blue Colin tearfully says as he puts his head in my lap (which you know for Colin is HUGE), "I really miss grandpa and want him back!". It broke my heart! I wish I could make his pain go away...it's not fair for a 4 year old to experience that kind of grief.
  Speaking of grief, this weekend has been another rough one...for no particular reason. I cry almost every minute I am alone...and some when I am not. My friend Julie of course posted a blog which nailed what I needed to hear. I have not been fixing my gaze on Him. To be honest, I have done very little time with God lately. Every time I think to myself I should...my heart becomes so clouded with pain I just can't focus on it. Which is exactly when I SHOULD be spending time with Him. So I asked Bryan to help me be consistent in my quiet times again. I know that is a huge reason why I am feeling so run down...but once you become run down...getting that momentum going is crazy hard! Being a grown up is tough! As a kid I always envied grown ups and how much they could do...now I wish I could go back and have the carefree life of a kid...my daddy was still alive, I could swing on the swing set all day and sing made up praise songs, dance in the living to Carmen with my sisters and play Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen with Melody. Ahhh the good ol days!
  Well I should probably get in bed. After little sleep last night I am really starting to fade! I love you daddy and I miss you more than ever!
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley
Old pics of fun times...oh how I miss you!