Flashbacks

  It has been a very full, very fun week! Tuesday night I surprised Bryan by planning a little bowling date. We hadn't been out just the two of us since June so I thought it was about time! Candee watched the kiddos and we spent an hour being goofy and stinking at bowling! I love that even after I got 3 gutter balls in a row, Bryan would say, "Missed it by *that* much!" and we'd both laugh! Let's just say, I don't have a career in bowling! Good thing this mom thing is working out just fine! Wednesday is a blur...I think I did more errands for the bridal shower I hosted for Jamie. Thursday was more bridal shower stuff...Friday was more bridal shower stuff plus ballet prep. Tobin was O-MAZING and helped me every day last week as well as the day of the shower. She is such a sweet and self-less sissy! I know she learned that from you! You were always there to help us out...run errands...move heavy objects...get the glasses off the top of the pantry shelf. Which led to some sad moments during our preparations. A few times I needed things down and instead of being able to ask you, I had to track down the ladder. I don't know that I will ever get used to that. My first instinct has always been, "ask daddy!" and now I have to do it myself. Bleh! I'm such a princess! hehe The shower was on Saturday plus your three girls taught ballet that morning. We have a LOT of students and quite a few new ones! God has blessed us tremendously and we are very excited for the new year ahead. I haven't danced (besides your service) in a few years so I am feeling very rusty! I actually got sore teaching the 3 year olds! Yikes! I better get back into shape quick! Back to the shower, everything went well and we had a few food glitches, but in the end we made do and just went with the flow! Overall I'd say it went smoothly and I wasn't too stressed which is surprising for me considering I am normally a frazzled mess! Mommy was so sweet to let us use the house and I stayed until almost 1am to clean up. As I was cleaning up I kept hearing your voice in my telling me how to do various things, it always makes me chuckle when I think of you critiquing us as we cleaned. But I appreciate it because it has taught us all how to clean very thoroughly! So even though I never thought I'd say this, thank you for following me around, telling me everything I was doing wrong and how to do it better! haha
   I have been finding lately that I keep having flashbacks of your final days. And every time I do, my stomach goes into knots. It was the most difficult thing to see you so sick! I never ever imagined I'd have to see my dad at only 47 endure something so horrific! Your very own body destroying itself and we were all helpless to do anything about it! I have to apologize for the sad attempt at taking you to the bathroom for the very last time. I told Bryan I don't think it could have gone any worse, but he said it could have...we didn't drop you! I guess he is right...but boy do I ever feel bad! So again, I am so sorry! hehe The other moment that keeps flashing through my mind is just your last few minutes...and after you had passed. I again feel sick every time I think of you laying there...lifeless. Growing up I always wondered what it would be like to see someone who had died, but never imagined it would be you and so soon! I long to see you again even if just in your casket, to give you another kiss on the head, squeeze your hand, and tell you I love you even though you can't hear me. Burying you was so hard because that was it...no longer would we see your body here on this earth. The finality of it is still excruciating! My heart literally aches to see you and that feeling only grows as time goes on. Colin asks me daily when Jesus will be back so he can see his grandpa and Cecily calls for you every so often saying, "Grandpa...where are you?! Yoohoo?!" I am so happy that my kids loved their grandpa so much and seeing how much they miss you proves how much you mean to them! I pray they never lose their love of you!
   We have a new little boy in the family! Liz had little Daniel Alexander yesterday. He is just darling and you would have loved to hold him and walk him around! He won't ever get to know his great Uncle but I am sure he will hear of you lots!
  Your oldest grandson will be turning 4 on Tuesday and we have his Avenger's party on Saturday. I got the kids costumes for it so they tried them on tonight and looked sooo cute! Cecily is Captain America's daughter and Colin is Ironman (of course!) Cecily's costumes however has glitter on it...so every 30 seconds she comes running in panicking because she has glitter on her hands! So I have to clean her hands off and it's getting a little irritating. Bryan just made her take it off so that we didn't have any more glitter fits. hehe Now she is watching Wallace and Gromit Curse of the Wererabbit and howling everytime the bunny howls. It makes me laugh to see her learning movies and songs. She loves to sing and walks around most of the day singing Veggie Tales or Larry Boy. Owen is soooo close to crawling and I think within the next week or so he will have mastered it! He is just so chunky it's hard to get that body and head off the ground! hehehe
  Well that about wraps it up! I am sure I have more but my brain is pretty much dead! I love you, miss you, and can't stop wishing you were still here!
 Your Favorite Second Born,
 Carley
Some pictures from the last week. The first one is of us bowling. Then a picture of Owen's butt in my face while we were taking a nap and the kid's building a fort around him. Cecily discovered a love of my shoes and insisted on wearing them out all day, her in her costume (picking glitter off her hands), and lastly little Daniel!