Limitations

  I finally have time to sit and write! It has been a looooong week and today was probably the longest and funniest of them all! Today was so memorable in fact that I have pretty much forgotten about the rest of my week. It started early this morning while driving Colin to his second day of Pre-school. I was on the 202 almost to McQueen and I hear a scream from the back followed by, "I AM BLEEDING!" Sure enough he had a bloody nose alllll over the back seat. So I go flying off the freeway onto McQueen so that I could safely pull over and deal with the mess. I wish I could say that was the only time I had to go flying off the freeway today and the only bloody nose I had to deal with...but sadly it wasn't. He had two more bloody noses, one more in the car, and one at the Chiropractors office. The one at the chiro office was the worst! It took a long time to stop...and we used like half a box of kleenex. The other time I had to quickly exit the freeway was on our way to family dinner at the Spears after leaving your house...this time I hear in a very urgent voice, "I HAVE TO PEE!!" and by the sound of his voice I knew that meant NOW, well by the time I got off he had already peed...*sigh* so I had to clean up a pee mess in the parking lot of Wal-Mart. I also wish I could say that was his only accident that day, but earlier he peed next to Wayne's toilet because he couldn't get his pants off in time. So yea...most of my day was bodily fluids and if anyone had thrown up I would have just quit right then and there! haha Ok, so that was the craziness of today and I know you would have just laughed at me and said, "You never did anything like that to me!" in a very sarcastic voice!
   Your little Owen is now crawling ALL over and pulling up to stand on everything. It has me in a total panic because he doesn't always pick the safest places to try to stand and now has many "battle" scars to prove it. Luckily he's a boy so it's not quite as sad as when Cecily got all bruised up at his age. hehe He is quite the little momma's boy now and I'd be lying if I said it was sweet. If I even leave his eyesight he bursts into tears and doesn't stop until he sees me again and is in my arms. I am getting really bad back and shoulder pain and my elbows are starting to hurt. I really hope he grows out of it quickly because carrying 20+lbs around all day while you are cleaning, cooking, taking a kid to the potty, picking up toys, going pee, etc. is reeeeaaalllllllly difficult!
   Now for the emotional dump that we all knew was coming...I am doing...ok. Talking to Bryan has been really helpful and I don't really know why I clammed up initially. But I remembered yesterday that I kind of did that after my miscarriage and it wasn't until we opened up to each other about our grief that we really began to heal. And the saying rings true, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. haha Admitting that I can't hold it together well, that I am a WRECK, that this is consuming all my emotions and thoughts, etc. has really helped me begin to process and heal. My dear friend Julie wrote this on her blog (sorry Julie, I had to steal it because it's soooo good), "God is not mad at you because of your humanity.  He is fully aware of your limitations, your weakness, and the frailties of your heart.  His compassion reaches across the heavens to get to you.  You have not been cast aside because of your imperfections.  Your broken heart is no less precious to Him.  Your beauty is not diminished.  Your value can never dwindle away." {A Beautiful Offering by Angela Thomas, page 11} And those words just jumped out at me. It's so easy for me to feel guilty that I miss you. I mean come on, I am so blessed to even have had a dad in my life and such a wonderful one at that! But yet I still feel jipped because I didn't get you longer! So to know that God understands my weakness, my grief, and my heartache and that he is OK with it, is such sweetness to my heart. It's ok for me to be weak, because HE is strong. And that is fine by me!
   Well I sprained my finger today doing who knows what so typing is not feeling very good. I have so much more to say but I will just have to wait! I love you and miss you more and more each day!
 Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley
Some pics for you...the first one is of a nasty little fella that Mattie and Chin found. There are a ton of them at your house right now, thankfully mom had them come spray today! And your little Owen sleeping peacefully on your couch (a rare thing right now!). I also painted Cecily's toes for the first time and she just adores them! She walked around staring at her feet all day! Colin with his wonderful teacher Ms. Tracy at his second day of pre-school. (I forgot to take one on the first day) And the kiddos at the chiro today...this was before the bloody nose incident!