Father's Day

I made it through my first Father's Day without you here. I woke up feeling sorry for myself...then after some prayer I realized that I was being selfish. You are having the BEST Father's Day you have ever had!!! You are with your Heavenly Father being lavished with love and free of pain! You were an amazing example of what our Heavenly Father is like while you were here on earth. I can't tell you enough how grateful I am for all you did for us! You provided, protected, corrected, guided, and showed us Christ! The testimonies that people shared about you in church today were so true of you! I found myself smiling instead of crying because I was so proud to have you for a dad! Not everyone can say that about their dad!
  This last week has been sooo difficult, but yet every moment I have dreaded I have found grace overflowing in that moment! God has been so faithful to us. I don't know how people handle this type of grief without the precious love and grace of Jesus. We have the hope and peace that we will see you again! Since you went to be with Jesus I have had many questions about the events leading up to it. Why would I have heard from the Lord that you would be healed if He was going to take you? I have wrestled with the Lord over that and realized that you were healed. Was it here on earth? No. But none-the-less you are healed...you are perfect! I so badly wish it had been an earthly healing but yet I know that the healing you experienced was far better than being healed here on earth. It sucks (yes I said sucks) to not have you here and my heart hurts every time I think about it, but the grace comes and I am ok. Pastor John said something today that I found so true. He said that having the answers to the "why?" wouldn't make it any less painful. He is right! Knowing why the Lord took you home so soon wouldn't make my heart bleed any less. In fact, it may lead to more questions. So I am learning to just rest in the knowledge that He didn't fall off His throne when you passed away. He knew all along that you would go, and He has a perfect plan for it even if we don't know what that is until we get to heaven.
  To celebrate you we went to Cafe Posada for lunch. When we told the owner and his wife they were just devastated! He said that she went into the back and bawled. Even people who you only came in contact with once or so a week loved you! We then went to your grave and released balloons with messages on them for you. It was a sweet time even though everyone was complaining it was really hot! I found I didn't mind the heat because I was close to you. I have a feeling I will be visiting your grave a lot! (Bryan isn't going to like how much gas I will use doing so!) I felt bad though because Dorothy's ran right into a tree and popped. She held back tears but I could tell she was upset that hers didn't float away like the rest of us. We were able to get the note off of it and just stuck it on your grave. We are thinking about having the PW guys make you a pretty bench to put at your grave so that we can "sit" on you! :-)
  Colin is still asking for you to come back when you are feeling better and it breaks my heart every time. I find myself walking towards your room at the house to say good-bye to you when we leave, only to realize that your side of the bed is empty. Tonight I sat there for a moment and had a little cry. I have been meaning to get one of your shirts out of the closet to put on my pillow but I keep forgetting until I am already gone. We all agree though that they don't smell like you...which makes us sad. I am going to take all your old shirts and turn them into a quilt for mom so that she can "wrap" herself up you when she misses you. I have a feeling she will use it a lot! I hope (ok I know) you enjoyed your first Father's Day in heaven!
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley