Live for the next one

We had your memorial tonight. So many people from all parts of your life came to honor and remember you. It was a beautiful service even though your grandsons both pooped their pants during it and had to leave! hehe But the part that I was able to see was just perfect! It was such a reflection of Jesus and because you strived to be like Him it was a reflection of you. I have always been proud of you as a father, but I am even more proud of you now! You truly were a phenomenal man! Your girls all danced to Blessings and it was healing for me (and we made everyone cry!). I imagined you up in heaven worshiping your Jesus and dancing for Him while we danced here. I did mess up sorry, even though i'm an Anderson, I am only half Anderson so i'm not perfect! hehe One quote Mark read that you told him and I had never heard before but now LOVE! "Life is uncertain...live for the next one." It is amazingly true! This life has NO guarantees...I could meet you in heaven tomorrow, but one thing we do know is that Heaven will be for eternity! As painful as this experience has been I am in awe of how many lessons God has taught me through it. I knew there were lessons to be learned, but He has taught me so much more than I ever though possible! And it isn't just a "log that away" it's a real, tangible, jaw-dropping lesson! One thing that has hit me this week is the one chorus of the song that we danced to, "The pain reminds this heart that this is not our home." Oh how true that is! The pain I am experiencing has reminded me daily that this isn't my home. It's only temporary. The pain and the longing to see you again is because my heart knows where it's home is, heaven. Now that the memorial service is over life will calm down a bit. To be honest I am nervous about moving on. Part of me still wants to cling to this time because life continuing on feels so final. It makes it real that we won't see you ever again here on earth. My head is still spinning and all of this feels unreal. Did we really bury you? Did we really have a memorial service for our dad? Do we really have to celebrate your birthday coming up without you here? You know i've been working on not using the word "sucks" but I am sorry daddy, this whole things sucks big time!
  When we got in the car to leave, yet again Colin said that he wanted his grandpa Wayne back. I still haven't gotten used to hearing him say that. This has rocked his little 3 year old world! I told mom a Wayne-ism yesterday that I was experiencing. "Expectations+Reality=Disappointment". Why did that come to mind? Because I had always EXPECTED you to live a long life. I always EXPECTED to see my daddy grow old together with my mommy. I EXPECTED that you would see grandkids grow up and maybe even great grandkids...but then reality hit...and so did the disappointment. I am daily battling feelings of disappointment that you won't be there for any of the things I expected.We never got to send you on that trip through Napa Valley...or go to Knottsberry farm one last time this summer. All things I expected and didn't happen. Even though I have those feelings of disappointment I know that even still God is faithful. His ways are not ours and His plans are sometimes different than are's but He is the one orchestrating all this together for good. I may not know what that good is until I get to heaven, but I am trusting in the One who knows why this happened and knows my heart. I love you daddy! Thank you for living an incredible God honoring life!!
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley
You holding me when I was a newborn. I know you always said I was adopted but I look and act just like you!