New normal

Tonight we went over to your house and had dinner, made by Candee. We all gathered around the table to eat and it had a sad moment for me. When mommy asked Weston to pray over it my heart dropped a little...that was your job yet you weren't there to do it. I remember you always saying, "Are you ready to pray? Let's pray." We would always giggle at you because you said it the same way every night for as long as I can remember. Oh how I wish I had recorded it so I could play it over and over. It's still fresh in my memory yet I know it will fade over time. Pam said something today that I related with, she said she never wanted to stop missing you but she wanted it to hurt less. I am so there! I will always miss you but wonder when or if it will ever hurt less. My heart is still bleeding but I pray over time it will heal and the memories won't hurt like they do now.
  After dinner we decided to go over to the Hobart house for a movie night. It was a fun little distraction for all of us. Stacey made cookies and Mattie made her popcorn drizzled with white chocolate and M & Ms. We watched Fletch and it gave lots of laughs. Although we had forgotten that it had to do with a guy pretending he had cancer so that kinda stung a little for all of us. But we still enjoyed the evening. Weston true to himself got tired and insisted that he needed to go home and go to bed so we left before the movie ended to take him and mommy home. He is a funny little guy! Most kids would love staying up past bedtime but for him it's torture! He asked mommy if he could sleep with her tonight and how could she say no?! Dorothy was having a hard night and crying quite a bit so we took her home with us for a little sleepover and shopping tomorrow. She hasn't had time to think about you or miss you with Colin talking her ear off! hehe I can't imagine what she is feeling right now! Losing your daddy at only 11 years old is just devastating! I know I can't fill the role of daddy but I am trying to help her and to guide her through her sadness and grief the best that I know how.
  We were discussing your memorial service today and decided that we would request people wear orange or another bright color in honor of you. You always loved the bright polos...I think it's because you liked to stick out in the crowd. Like you needed a bright shirt to do that?! :-) You always attracted people with your outgoing nature, tender heart, and how genuine you were in wanting to get to know them. One of a thousand reasons I love you so much! You made everyone around you feel loved and wanted!
  You would be so proud of your little Owie. Today he sat up for the first time with no help! He really wanted the popcorn in front of him and just sat there staring at it drooling. He has grown up so much even in the last week. Mommy got Colin a cool potty seat for her house because she is bound and determined to help me potty train him. He went on it twice while we were there and stayed dry!! She thinks this may do the trick but I have my doubts...normally it's exciting for him for a week or so then he's over it and stops caring. But hey, I'll give it a shot!
  We are all trying to figure out this new normal. Wayne is driving himself to the ortho tomorrow while mommy and Stacey go do the memorial stuff. I know that life must continue on after losing a loved one but it seems so surreal. A week ago I could still give you a kiss and tell you I love you and now I have to write it in a blog. I do feel cheated in that before you passed away you really weren't your normal self anyways. It has been 2 months since you were up doing things, working, laughing, doing yard work, etc. Then you starting not feeling well and it was all down hill. We never saw it coming or we would have enjoyed the time we had with you so much more! But it has taught me that we just can't take each other for granted. Here today, gone tomorrow. We have to live each day purposefully because we never know when it will be our last. Love each other unconditionally, capture memories, and not get caught up in the little things that just don't matter! I wish I had been more intentional in the months leading up to April but I can't dwell on that. There is nothing I can do about it now so there is no use being upset about it! My brain knows it but my heart is still catching up. So many things going through my mind tonight! I guess i'll stop and get some sleep. I love you daddy! Enjoy that big banquet table now that you can eat and not get sick! I wonder if they have Cafe Posada in Heaven?! :-)
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley