Late night aches

I'm writing to you twice today...I just really miss you! It feels like you're just on a business trip and that we'll see you again soon but reality hits and so do the emotions! I just can't wrap my mind around not seeing you again. I long for a big daddy hug or to hear you come into the door and say, "woman of my house!" when you got home from work! Every time I pull up to your house I see your Tahoe in the driveway and have a brief moment of "daddy's home!!" only to remember you aren't there. I think of your car racing down the street while you chat on your phone. I'm trying so hard to be strong but this is beyond anything I've ever experienced! I shouldn't let my mind wander but I find myself looking into the future and imagining family trips, holidays, births of grandkids, and visiting you at work and I can't help but feel overwhelmed with grief that you won't be there! I went to the mall tonight and saw a daddy shopping with his kids and I couldn't help but feel cheated. I never imagined I would lose my daddy at only 24 but I feel even more devastated for Weston, Dorothy, Wayne, and Tobin because they wont get to have you there guiding them as they grow up like I did. It breaks my heart for them! Your 27th anniversary is coming up and I know it'll be hard for mom. I've already thought of lots of ways to spoil her on that day just like you would have if you were here!
  Tomorrow is your funeral. I'm not ready to bury you, but like it or not, it must be done! Colin keeps asking to go back to the funeral home so he can see you. I don't think he's going to like it when we bury you and he can't see or touch you. He's handling it much better than I expected but I can tell he's really sad. We all miss you like crazy!!! I guess I should go to bed since tomorrow will be a long day. I love you daddy!
Your favorite second born,
 Carley