1 month and 6 month Birthdays

Today is your 1 month Heavenly Birthday and Owen's 6 month Birthday. I have to admit his is a much happier milestone...I could have waited longer before celebrating your Heavenly Birthdays! We had Betsy's service today and it was beautiful but oh so difficult to sit through! I fought back tears the entire time! Owen pooped 3x during it and the last time he ended up leaking all over so I just stayed out in the lobby for the last part. It was kind of ironic to mommy and I because one thing Betsy was known for was her work on the lightrail. So now every time we see it, we will think of her. Just like every time we see picnic tables, grills, trash cans, benches, playgrounds, ramadas, etc. we think of you! So you both left something behind that when we see it, we will remember you guys and your contribution to the good ol' state of AZ! Her husband also made the comment that when going through her pictures he found a lot of pictures of architecture which was something she LOVED! Well when we went through YOUR pictures we found mostly pictures of playgrounds, new bench designs, trash cans, etc. You both have so much in common and I am sure you are chatting together up in Heaven about all the neat equipment and amazing architecture of all the beautiful mansions! hehe On my way home I was really struggling once again with the "why". Why didn't God heal you? He could have so easily, yet He didn't. Then ever so gently He said to me, "Carley, I watched my son die on a cross. I could have saved Him, but that would have defeated my greater plan of salvation." Ugh, if that doesn't make you feel bad for questioning God, I don't know what will! hehe And He is right, taking you is all a part of His greater plan. I don't know what that is now, but one day either here or in Heaven I will know what that plan is. Trusting His plan without seeing it is just tough sometimes!
    My dear friend Beth sent this to me today via FB and oh man is she right! I feel like every one else is moving on and yet I am still behind! Here are her honest words. "Don't you hate how everyone around you seems to keep living life as usual, and here you are struggling? I always said the world was moving on and leaving me behind. Honestly, to this day, I feel farther behind than the rest of the universe. I hated that others could just live like nothing had even happened. From family, to friends, to the world in general. I just had my heart ripped out, and you stand there smiling and talking about the latest thing your cat did. Sorry, I'm venting now...I still deal with things even now.:) point is, the world moves on. You can't. You will probably always be a few steps behind everyone. But eventually you create a new normal and your own world...and suddenly find yourself living again. I feel like I'm making absolutely no sense. It's hard to describe! Everything's just...hard. You make all the things I still deal with come to the top lol. And that's ok. Maybe we can just be a step behind together :)"
    At Chick-Fil-A tonight if you dressed up like a cow you got a free meal. So I whipped out my sewing machine and made the kids some cow costumes! They both got a kick out of them and walked around mooooing. They made pretty stinken cute cows! Cecily got a lot of "awwws" when she walked through the restaurant in her cow leg warmers! hehe Bryan and I both had a really good laugh though when the big cow came out. Like a lighting bolt Colin was under the table and clutching Bryan's leg! He had this panicked look on his face and didn't come out til he was sure the cow was gone. Cecily however got a kick out of it and even touched his "hoof". It was a nice time out with my family and a sweet little distraction. After dinner I made a Hobby Lobby run because I realized while sewing the costumes that my sewing stuff was just loose and I was losing things so I got a basket to put it all in. Now I am nicely organized and sewing will be easier when I don't have to look all over the house for the various things I need.
    Well there is laundry to be done...kids to bath and put to bed...a memory box for you to put together, and toys to clean up! I love you daddy!! Tell Betsy that she is very missed and we are all anxious to see you two again!
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley