Inner Giants

For lack of a better expression, the last two days I have been battling a lot of "inner giants." Things that without Jesus, I could not face on my own! Partly why I didn't write yesterday, I just didn't know what to say. I wish you were here so I could talk to you and tap into your never ending fountain of wisdom but I guess it's just me and God! Who, truly has the never ending fountain of wisdom, so I know I am better off talking to Him about it anyhow! hehe I have never been good with facing conflict and tend to want to run and hide but as time has gone on I have learned it better to just face it sooner rather than later. I find a lot of you in myself! I remember mommy having to make you sit down and talk things through because you immediately would clam up when a problem arose. That is so how I am, and I guess because of you I have learned how to come out of that shell. Well, that and a VERY patient hubby who over the last 5 years has also worked on that area in my life and taught me the importance of clearing things up and sorting through problems right away instead of waiting for it to just "go away." Which we all know, it never does! So I guess I should thank you for showing me how to change and that it is possible to change! Looking back on my childhood I see so many things in your life that God molded, shaped, and refined in you! You showed me what a life surrendered to Him looked like and you allowed Him, even until your final breathe, to have His will in your life. Sure, you would rather have lived into a ripe old age, but I will never forget the strained yet strong words you said to me one night as you laid there. You said, "Carley, I am not afraid to die." You knew it wasn't the end, it was the start of an even better life...a life face to face with your King!
  I drove past your office today...I must admit I felt a bit sick to my stomach with the realization that I will probably never step foot in that place again. I used to bring the kids over to play on the equipment and we'd go to Moki's for lunch. Oh my heart aches to do those things again! I remember so clearly the last time we visited you there. Colin was always so excited to visit you, though I think it was more the playgrounds than seeing you that got him excited! hehe
  Cecily danced nakey on your side of the bed last night...good thing you won't be using your pillow! Mommy even let Curly up there! Sadly, I can't stick dirty diapers under your pillow anymore...but just you wait! When I get to Heaven...you may start finding them again!
  Well, the kids are still napping and I have a living room that looks like a tornado hit it! I love you! Oh, and happy 4 week heavenly birthday!
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley
You at your office for Cecily's 1st birthday. Doing what you did best, holding little Evan and keeping him from fussing! Man I miss my baby bouncer! hehe