"Two months is too little,
they let him go,
they had no sudden healing.
To think that providence
would take a child from his mother
while she prays, is appalling."
From the time you became become obviously sick to the time you died it was just about 2 months. I prayed everyday for my little Geoffrey, and God took him home before I got to meet him. See? It was written for me! The song continues on to say,
"Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held"
Throughout both those tragedies in my life I can honestly say that I was and have been held in His strong and loving hand. It has been during the darkest moments in my life that I have felt the closest to Him and the most loved by Him. I don't know why He has allowed me to lose a baby and my father, but He has kept His word, He has never left me or forsaken me!
On our way to dinner tonight, mom and I saw an elderly couple walking through Agritopia holding hands. Immediately we both said how difficult that was to see. Mommy feels so jipped from growing old with you. She wanted to sit on the porch with you after you retired (ha, you retired?!) and sip tea and eat breakfast. Go on walks through the neighborhood holding hands. Go on fun little trips with you. All things that she never anticipated being so abruptly taken away from her. I always imagined you being the fun, old, grayed haired, grandpa playing with all your grandkids...teaching them bad table manners, throwing banana peels after mommy cleaned the floors, playing basketball, and just goofing around with them. Now I will never get to see you do those things with my kids or my future nieces and nephews. We are trying to not let our hearts get bitter or upset by all the "could have beens" but it's so hard not to think about what you will miss out on and what we will miss having you here for. I always got a birthday card with a picture of your face taped to it. I didn't get one this year...and never will again. Ugh, that just made my stomach drop.
Ok, off of the depressing subjects. I DID have a nice birthday despite the emotions and was treated like a princess. Tamara took me to the Coffee Shop and treated me to lunch and a cupcake. Everything was delicious and she even got me a gift card for a massage! She knows me so well! I then took Colin to go pick out a birthday present for his friend's party tonight and he talked me into getting him a little something as well. He has me wrapped around his cute little finger! hehe Originally we were going to go to Kona Grill but I decided I wanted my free birthday meal from Joe's Farmhouse so we went and I got my once a year hotdog. (which by the way I am currently regretting now that I have horrible indigestion) Then we went to a meeting at Wayne's school about ways to pay for tuition through their gift card program. It was a very adult way to spend a birthday! haha Mommy then gave me a birthday present from them all and it was a beautiful new outfit that i can wear to church! I love it and I know you would approve!
Well it's almost 11pm and my kids are still up and running around the house. I guess I should go take care of that! I love you daddy and wish you had been here to celebrate with us...because as you know...without you...there would be no ME!
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley
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