We decided to make a Monday trip down to your grave. I asked Colin if he wanted to make you something and he immediately ran into the office and grabbed some blue paper to draw you a larry mobile! After drawing it, he crumpled it up, so I asked him why he was doing that and he replied, "I want to throw it at grandpa! He always throws banana peels at me!" I knew you'd approve! So we met mommy and the kids at Barros then headed over to the Gardens. Colin brought a different larry mobile drawing because the other one got torn (thanks to Cecily...that was a lovely fight! haha) and tucked it away in your flowers so it didn't blow away. Mommy told him that you might throw a banana peel down from Heaven and he giggled then looked up nervously! hehe She is taking on your sense of humor now! We walked around for a little while and I made my way over to the baby section of the graves. Oh how my heart broke when I saw all the tombstones. Some had only hours listed for the baby's life, other only a single day, and some only a few months to a year. One had twins that had died a few days apart. I couldn't even begin to imagine what those parents suffered losing both babies and at different days like that! Twice the grieving and heart ache! It reminded me of my sweet baby boy that you are now getting to know! Please tell him how much we love and miss him! We also met the parents of the young boy who is buried next to you. He was Tobin's age when he passed, also from cancer I believe. They are sweet people and we will probably see them often. As we were leaving Colin told them, "My grandpa is buried here. I really love him!" It melted my heart! Cecily waved and blew you a kiss! I am sure that kiss reached you in Heaven!
On our way home I was texting a new and dear friend Gloria and she made a comment about her own life that rung so true to me. She said something along the lines of walking with a wounded awkward walk. I feel as though I will always have a limp now, but I know God will use that "limp" to reach those around me. The song lyrics came back to me, "I would not trade what is broken for beauty only." As much as I have gone kicking and screaming into this journey, I wouldn't want it any other way if this is the BEST road for me to be on. And I am confident that it is because He wouldn't ask me to walk it if it didn't have the best outcome!
A beautiful quote from a blog I am following (the daughter was born with a rare heart defect)
"Life isn't always easy. There are frustrations and pain and suffering, from little things to the big things. But God cares. And He loves us.
This is where so many people stand up and say, "But God didn't do _____________ for me. He didn't stop ____ from happening, or _______ from dying."
I get that. I really really do. He didn't stop Annabelle's heart from being broken when she was born. He could have. But he didn't.
I don't pretend to have all the answers, but I do know that my God takes care of me. I do know that if I trust him, and if I make the choice to praise Him during the tough times, that He will bring peace from our sorrows, and joy in the morning.
Ah, and what a morning that will be!"-Krista
Give my Geoffrey a kiss from me! And give Beth's little angels a hug from her! And while you are at it, give Rachel a squeeze from Nadia! I love you daddy!!!
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley
A few pictures from your grave. The first one is of the little twins that really touched my heart!
People who go through this and learn to trust in the Lord, find a comfort and an intimacy with God that most people never experience.
ReplyDeleteBlessings and prayers on the continued strength for your family:)