Distractions

I'm gonna be honest...I've had a difficult day emotionally! I haven't cried (much)...haven't really shown my emotion to people...but man, internally I am a MESS! I can't think straight...simple tasks seem complicated and use way more brain power than they should! Even typing this out is using a lot of brain cells! hehe The reality (YOU ARE GONE) has really been hitting hard lately and I am struggling to figure out this new normal. And EVERYTHING reminds me of you! Today in a boutique the radio was on and of course an advertisement for MD Anderson Cancer center came on and I immediately felt sick. They had stories of survivors and how great their success rates were and all I could think was, "Why couldn't YOU have been one of those success stories?!" It sends an ache through my whole body when I think about it. Despite all of that I still tried to have a good day. I took mom on some errands and we brought food over to the church for Betsy's service tomorrow. Her service is on the 1 month mark of your Heavenly Birthday and it seems so unfair! Why did cancer have to take yet another person?! I find myself thinking, "Can't this just stop with you? Can't my dad be the LAST person to ever have to deal with this?!" I don't want anyone else to have to walk this road...yet many people face it daily. Today, someone else if not a few people, lost their lives to various diseases and accidents and it just breaks my heart for the families they leave behind. If they (those who passed) knew Jesus they are now spending eternity with Him but yet I know the pain it leaves behind for those of us here. I wish I could skip past the deep pain of this experience but I know the pain is what God uses to mold and refine us so I am putting on my big girl panties and trying to boldly walk through it! I'll be honest though, sometimes, like last night, I just want to "put a diaper on" and whine and cry and throw a big tantrum!!!
  We had some funny moments today at your house. Someone blew up a giant picture of you and cut the head out, so mommy put it on a pillow next to Weston so he could "sleep next to you." Stacey walked in and apparently almost had a heart attack to see your face on the pillow next to him! Cecily LOVES it though and walked around holding it saying, "It's my grandpa!" Colin however said, "I still just want my grandpa back!" when he saw it so I put it up in order to avoid upsetting him. We ran around the house playing with Curly, and Cecily enjoyed some pretzels while sitting in a bin of toys. All the normal things are continuing on and I guess that's a good thing! Mommy got Wayne's school uniforms in, booked the hotel to take Tobin to CA for her exam, Stacey did insurance meeting stuff, Mattie made mom homemade laundry detergent, Stacey made awesome shortbread cookies, and Dorothy is still making all sorts of cute things for her barbie house. Colin is doing better with potty training, though still not accident free and Cecily has found her voice and sings all day long! I LOVE hearing her sing and I know you would have too! It melts my heart!
  As always, I love you and I miss you!
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley
I caught this beautiful display tonight! I confess I always get mad when I see people taking pictures while driving..yet I did exactly that to get the shot! The shadow was just amazing! Oops! hehe