One of those days

  Today has been one of those days where not having you here seems so incredibly unfair! And you know how much I hate that word..."fair". The Anderson motto is "Life isn't fair!" but today I have thrown that out the window and decided to have a little pity party. (Ha! When I typed that I typed potty party the first time...you can tell what my whole life is revolving around right now!) I sat on your bed, in the spot you took your last breathe on and had a good cry. I got tear drops all over the sheets but I don't think mommy will mind. Even as I type this I have tears streaming uncontrollably down my face. I just can't help it! The pain is just too great to hold it in. Once again I am brought back to the song I have grown to love, "The pain reminds this heart that this is not our home." My real home is with you and with Jesus. *sigh* It seems like an eternity until we will all be reunited yet I know it will be here in the blink of an eye!
   I have a confession. It is going to sound so unJesus but it's what my heart is dealing with so I will be honest about it. Every time I hear stories of miracles...I get angry. I get upset that Jesus didn't do that for you. Is it a right way to feel? Absolutely not! I need to rejoice when others are rejoicing and praise Jesus for His awesome power in others lives! But oh how difficult that is when you wanted the same thing for YOUR dad! I am praying through this emotion a lot and taking those thoughts captive since they aren't from Jesus but currently my immediate response is to get upset and envious. I wanted YOU to be one of those amazing stories! But alas you were not...and here I am writing to you in a blog. *sigh* I'm just gonna say it...it's unfair!
  Mommy, Stacey and Curly (yes you heard that right...Curly went with them!) are on their way back from CA today so I am "baby"sitting the kiddos. Mattie and Christian are on their way to CA to visit his Aunt so the house seems even more lonely. I know for some people having 3 people home is a lot, but in this house only 3 people here seems like it's vacant! My kids are doing a good job of creating enough chaos though! hehe I am relieved/happy that mommy is on her way back because having both parents gone...well it just sucks! (sorry!) I wrote on her mirror with lipstick like you always used to do so that she has something to come home to. You were always leaving her love notes and even though I made an outward "eww" inwardly I rejoiced that my daddy loved my mommy so much! It's such a rare things these days to see someone even at the age of 47 still pursuing and courting his wife! You were a rare man and I am so proud of that!
   I am making a big batch of Mexican chicken tonight. One of your favorites. I will eat an extra taco in your honor! When I went to get the diced tomatoes out I got a good giggle out of what I saw on the shelf...a whole stack of canned dog food! Oh how life has changed over the last 6 weeks! We went from blue barf bags, ensure, and bags of sonic ice to dog toys, canned dog food, and a fluffy little black doggie that has captured our hearts!
   I have another confession...your room has gotten "blessed"  by every single grandkid today! Owen pooped on your comforter...stuck that in the wash. Colin peed on the sheets shortly after...stuck those in the wash. Then Cecily pooped next to the toilet. Got that cleaned up too! I guess they feel so relaxed in your room it...moves them! So mommy will come home to clean bedding and mopped floors thanks to all the "blessings."
  Well mommy will be home soon! (YAY!) So I best get this house picked up for her! We miss you so much and love you a crazy lot!
  Your Favorite Second Born,
    Carley

Here is mommy and Curly in CA. That used to be you and her. :-(