Early Birthday Present

  I wasn't anticipating "getting anything from you" but mommy surprised me with some pictures and notes she found tucked away in your keepsakes box. It was so sweet to see that you had kept the notes I have written you including the funny fax conversation I had with Pete. I have fond memories of faxing all the people at your office though I probably drove them crazy! They were all so sweet and humored me anyways! I didn't think I would get that emotional (ok who am I kidding?! I KNEW I'd get emotional) as my birthday drew closer...but here I am only 2 hours from my birthday and I can't keep the tears away. I will only be 25 and I have to celebrate without my daddy here. I confess, I feel guilty that I had 24 birthdays to celebrate with you...none of my younger siblings can say the same. Weston only had 8...far less than a child should! I told God today in my prayer time that I can't pray hard enough that He will show Himself as a Father to my brothers in a very real way because they need a daddy. Mommy feels so lost as to how to raise them into Godly men without a Godly man along side her helping her, but we know that God as their Heavenly Father is all they need. It just at times seems like an earthly one would be nice. hehe
   I couldn't get the kids to nap today so at 4pm I gave up and decided to go over to your house. The kids missed Weston and Curly and wanted some play time. Mattie made her delicious Asian Lettuce wraps and wontons for dinner...everything was fantastic! Unfortunately, in the nursery yesterday I had forgotten to tell the lady in there that Cecily couldn't have the cookies so she ate a few before I realized they were in front of her. So needless to say...today was (literally) a crappy day and she wasn't in the mood to eat much tonight. I think her tummy is finally feeling better though so hopefully by tomorrow she will be back to normal. Oh, mommy bought Owie these adorable jean diapers and he rocked them with his chunky butt and round belly! You would have gotten a kick out of it!
  Right after you died I made myself a key chain with pictures of you in it so that I could see your face all the time. Well, it has kind of come to back to bite me because every time Colin sees it he cries and asks for you. I have been putting together your memory box and I am thinking I may have to get a bigger one! I have so many things to put in it that the little one I bought just isn't cutting it! That isn't a bad thing I guess...I have a lot of precious items I want to keep!
  I hope I can get through tomorrow with minimal break downs...mommy is taking me out to dinner and Tamara is taking me out for a birthday coffee and cupcake. Both will be lovely! Colin said he didn't get me anything...but I carried on mom's tradition and told him I just wanted "a clean house and no fighting." And oddly he gave a similar answer to what we always told mom, "I can't." I guess you really do reap what you sow! hehe I love you daddy! Enjoy some birthday cake up there for me and Geoffrey might like some too!
 Your Favorite Second Born,
  Carley