Heaviness

It's nearly 2am and I'm laying in bed with an enormous weight on my chest. So much I want to say yet I'm learning less is more. I sometimes hate growing up, daddy. The enormous responsibility that comes with it and maneuvering this crazy world as a grown up is insanely overwhelming. I miss the carefree days when not much mattered expect which Barbie I would play with, which dress up gown is wear, and what gross veggie mom would make us try at dinner time. I never realized then how much you and mom were actually going through because in my own little world everything was peachy. I so desperately wish I could go back to those days for just a moment, just to feel what it's like to not carry such heavy burdens. And as I type this I see so clearly why I'm struggling....I'M trying to carry these loads. Of course I can't, I wasn't designed to walk this path alone, I have the strong and capable arms of the One who made me. Why is it that prayer is often our last resort? I heard it said recently that one of the silliest things to say is, "well, we've done all we can, so now all we can do is pray!" ALL we can do is pray? ALL we can do is ask the creator of the universe, the one who made all things, who knows us by name, formed us in the womb to take care of us?! That should be our FIRST go to....not LAST resort. So often I find myself being that very person, I try on my own before I ask for help. Like a stubborn child. How much have I missed out on simply because I used Him as a last resort? It's so humbling! This has been a much needed chat with you! I started out this conversation feeling totally confused, helpless, and misunderstood. The weight is now lifted and even though I still don't know how to handle the situation I'm in, I know someone who does, and I know He'll help me through!
I love you daddy!
Your favorite second born,
Carley

I drew this picture for you on a hard day....now it seems appropriate since I'm having a rough time.