End of the Year Reflections

About an hour ago, Bryan tucked me in and kissed me goodnight, within thirty minutes my acid reflux hit and baby started tap dancing. So I decided it was as good a time as any to post one last post in 2014. Looking back, this year has had some incredible highs and some difficult lows. January we celebrated Owen turning 2 with a huge shark party! It was so fun and a party I will always remember..though he may not! April Cecily turned 4 and we had a party fit for a princess! June Bryan and I celebrated 7 years of marriage and Stacey said I do. We also added a spunky, social, fun, puppy to our family, Mollie. She has been so fun for the kids and her and Lucy are BFF's! July Bryan and I both turned a whole year older and are starting to feel those years in our joints. hehe Lucy also had a birthday in July and turned a whole 1 year! An I Love Lucy party just seemed appropriate and boy was it ever over the top! One of my best parties..besides the shark! August 1st we found out we were expecting a new treasure! September brought about another birthday and your oldest grandson turned 6! We had a low key lego birthday and he thoroughly enjoyed hanging out with his friends and building legos with them! I also started a daily homeschool schedule with the kids, which as hard as it has been, it has been so rewarding to see them absorb what I am teaching them. October mommy got married and it was quite the big to do! Your yard got turned into a fairy tale venue and was simply exquisite! The last two months we have celebrated Thanksgiving and Hannukah and tomorrow we ring in a new year! It seemed to go by in a flash!

  We survived yet another year without you even though at times it seemed near impossible. I saw a "motivational picture" that said, "The hardest part wasn't losing you, it was learning to live without you." Those words echo in my head daily. Though it was so very hard watching you pass away, your body was so very sick and knowing the relief you felt the moment Jesus took you home makes my heart rejoice for you! But since then, living without you here has been such an incredibly hard learning experience! Learning to be ok with all the moments you've missed, the birthdays you won't get to celebrate, the holidays we won't get to spend with you, those are a wound that bleed without warning. All the times your grandkids did or said something funny and my first thought was "OH daddy would get such a kick out this!" And then my heart dropping when I realized I couldn't tell you. Those moments are hard. Today my heart was especially heavy as I learned about the passing of a few people's loved ones from cancer and an incredible young lady who is at the end of her battle and will soon meet Jesus. My heart aches not for those who are now with Jesus, they are in the place we all long to be, but for those they leave behind who have to learn to live without them. Our reminder this place is not our home!

  So as this year comes to a close, I have so many things God has taught me, and so much more to learn! I am looking forward to all that 2015 has in store and all the big changes it may hold for our family! We think of you often and hold your memory dear to our hearts! Give my baby a New Years kiss from his mommy!

Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley

You would have gotten these for Hannukah this year. :-)