I had to take a deep breathe to start this one dad, how can it possibly be 6 years since we last saw you?! Six years ago right now we were watching you slip away before our very eyes. The cancer was taking over and you were getting weary of the fight. We could all see how hard you were still fighting for us, you didn't want to give up, but mom whispered to you (that is my memory of it anyways but it's all a blur) that it was ok to go meet Jesus, and shortly after you were ushered into Heaven. Those last moments are seared into my memory. How can you feel such peace and such agony all at the same time?! But yet those two feelings co-existed. We were at peace with where you were yet we were in agony to have lost you here on Earth. And thus began the 6 year coexistence of peace and agony. We miss you more and more each passing day, but we also know it's one day closer to seeing you again and that brings a little glimmer of hope. You have missed so much in these last 6 years! Stacey got married, she has 2 adorable boys, Tobin got married, I have had 3 more kids, Mattie is expecting her first sweet boy, Dorothy is going to cosmetology school which she totally rocks at, Weston is fantastic at basketball, 3 of us have dogs (betcha didn't see that coming?!), the list goes on. All moments that your absence is painfully felt. One thing stands out to me so much though, grace. Oh how sweet His grace has been to us. In those moments where the pain was overwhelming His grace was lavished on us. We have never felt alone in this grief, not for one moment. Sure, our mind wants to tell us we are alone, but the overwhelming presence of His Spirit tells us otherwise. I am not sure how people go through such great loss without the Prince of Peace.
Today, the 6 year anniversary of your last day here on Earth, we spent time all together as a family. We had pizza, the littles swam (naked. Lincoln may have peed in your pool), and we talked about you. Tomorrow we will do our traditional dessert at your grave to celebrate your Birthday into Glory. We even made sure that the flowers we got for your grave weren't too expensive because we know you wouldn't want us to over spend on something as frivolous as fake flowers...or contact solution. (mom will understand that one)
While Stacey is in town we went to your grave last week and did our picture of Ezekiel being hugged with your shirt. They turned out so sweet and I know you would just enjoy this (not so) little squish! He adores being cuddled and that was your favorite thing to do with the grandkids! Colin has been talking about you often and I can tell he is feeling the grief a little more right now. He came in to find me crying the other day and was so sweet to keep checking on me until I was ok again. He isn't usually very attentive, but for that moment, he understood my pain and made sure I was ok. One of those heart smile moments in spite of the tears.
Well, I will wrap this up and go help with bed time! As always we love and miss you deeply!
From Life's First Cry, to Final Breathe, Jesus Commands My Destiny.
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley
Pictures from the last few weeks while Stacey has been visiting.
