This time of year is particularly difficult for all of us. March 2010 was your diagnosis, April 2010 confirmed our fears that your cancer was not just in your colon but had spread, May 2012 we were given the news that your cancer was no longer responding to treatment, and June 2012 you were gone. We are all feeling these emotions heavily, especially the wife you left behind. She hasn't said a word, yet her whole body is radiating the pain of what these next few months held only a few short years ago. Her smile is a little dimmer, her eyes aren't sparkling quite as bright, and her demeanor is more somber and reserved. I was trying to get a read on her last week and wondered what was going on in her head, and then it hit me what this month means to her. It marks the beginning of the end of losing her first love and best friend. The man she was married to for so long, had 7 children with, and the hopes and dreams of growing old together. No amount of time can fully take away that sting of what the past holds and the future is missing. I remember you coming home from Mexico that March and you had this cough. You kept brushing it off but deep down we all knew it was not a good sign, I could see it in mom's eyes. That cough was our first indicator that your body was beginning to shut itself down. I can't explain it, but I knew in my spirit it wasn't a simple dry cough, it was much more, and meant something much worse. I ache knowing what I know now and the gravity of that simple bothersome cough. It makes me appreciate those last few months that we had with you, and wish we had known to cherish them more, but hindsight is always 20/20 as you used to say!
My heart has been hurting as well and I am in a season again of trying to make sense of why God took you home so soon. We have had a few family moments recently that made me think, "Man, we could really use dad right now!" It's a hard pill to swallow. You were an earthly presence that can never be replaced. Those moments make me ever so grateful for the Heavenly presence that never leaves! And maybe that is part of the point He is trying to make....makes ya wonder! I do know that I have relied heavier on my Jesus than I ever would have if you were still here. And that is never a bad thing! hehe
I would love to continue my thoughts, but I am tired and have had a rough few nights (let's be real, years) of sleep so now that Lincoln is finally sleeping I need to try to sleep for the sake of my sanity and my kids safety. I love you daddy and I miss you more each day!
Your Favorite Second Born,
Carley
Here is a picture from Owen's dedication March 2012. The last one you were able to pray over your grandchild with us. Thank you for pouring into their lives while you were here, your love for them shines through even though you've been gone for what feels like ever!
