Spiderman and the Ballerina

  My days have been full of baby/child laughter, more pee and poo, kissing (mostly) invisible boo-boos, and missing you! Every day seems to bring out a new part of the kid's personalities. They are so funny and say the cutest things. Yesterday Colin was cleaning up toys before we left and the talking cash register said, "Hi, come play with me!" To which he replied, "I can't right now, I was just leaving to go to my grandmas". I was in the car in the garage, and heard Bryan laughing all the way inside the house! The night before that, Bryan was woken up by a noise and headed to the kitchen, only to find Cecily asleep on the floor clutching the chocolate syrup! The next morning as I got ready for church he came in and said, "You are never gonna believe what I found last night?!" And I immediately thought, "We have scorpions now?!?" but he took out his phone and showed me the picture and I just died laughing! I was doing my make up which needless to say got messed up from tears of laughter, but it's nice to have happy tears again! Since you gave us the news back on May 10th, most of my tears have been of pain and grief. But slowly I am getting my joy back even if it is mixed with the occasion heart-ache.
   The same night as the sleep-walking chocoholic, the kiddos were playing dress up. I was sitting on the couch observing because I just love watching them interact with each other. Colin grabbed the Spiderman and put it on, then found the tutu and ran to Cecily telling her, "Here baby girl! But this tutu on so you can be a ballerina!" She happily put it on and he got out the ballet bar and the pink dance mat for her too and set it all up. She twirled around on it and my heart did a happy flutter! It was like watching myself when I was little! She LOVES to dance!! Anytime she hears music her little booty starts moving, her arms go up, and her head starts tilting back and forth. You would just adore watching her dance like you used to do with your little girls! We put on lots of shows for you and you just watched us, and beamed with pride! Even though I know we weren't that great and you probably had better things to do, you sat and watched us and even gave an applause. Most of the time you ended up joining in with your awesome (HA!) dancing skills! Thankfully, unlike mommy, you never gave any of us a black eye while dancing with us!
  We have had some awesome storms this weekend and I love watching the clouds. I have always loved the clouds, but now I love them even more because it makes me feel closer to you looking up at them. They remind me of the awesome power of God and how amazing His creation is! Yet, He still loves ME and takes the time to comfort ME! It's pretty humbling!
   I came across this quote from John Piper on my friend Julie's FB and was so comforted by it. "When Satan drops a bombshell on the peace of your life the initial shock waves of emotional response are not necessarily sin. What is sin is not to do what Jesus did when the bomb fell in the Garden of Gethsemane. Sin is yielding to depression. Sin is not taking the armour of God. Sin is not waging spiritual warfare. But Jesus shows us another way. It’s not painless, but it’s not passive either. And I want us to follow him in it." I keep feeling like a lot of the emotions I have during this trial are wrong, but yet it's not the emotion that is wrong, it's how I handle it that makes it sin or not. It's so easy to get depressed, stay angry, and become bitter, but I know that will only lead to sin. And there is NO way I want to add sin onto this situation! hehe Another awesome quote from her blog (seriously, God has placed in her my life for this very season! She has blessed me so much in sharing her own journey with Christ and losing both parents at a young age I can't even begin to thank the Lord enough for her!) is from I believe Beth Moore, "It will often be crisis that God uses to pivot our direction." Wow! How true is that?! When life is going great and everything seems to be just peachy, why change? God has to give us a REASON to pivot our course and this has definietly shifted mine! And I know it has shifted it for the better. Even though I never ever ever wanted the crisis to be losing my dad (I mean, couldn't it have been my little toe?!?!) I know that He has so much He wants to use me for in this life and I don't want anger, depression, or bitterness ruin that! It may never seem "fair" that I lost my dad and my kids lost their grandpa so young, but in all fairness, (as you always said) we all deserve death for our sins. Yet He sent His son to die for OUR sins and THAT right there is UNFAIR!
   Well, we are getting our rugs cleaned tomorrow! YAY! So I best go finish getting the floor picked up so that they can do their thing. We haven't had them cleaned in over a year and it was LOOOONG over due! I won't even take pictures on the carpet because there are so many spots on them it freaks this OCD momma out! hehe I love you daddy and I miss you so much!
   Your Favorite Second Born,
   Carley
The first picture cracks me up because I was trying to take one of Owen and I got Cecily in the background putting pot holders on her head! She's such a hoot!

(Literally) Crappy Days

  Where have my days gone?! I think about you almost every minute of every day and all the things I want to tell you but then I put the kids in bed and my pillow calls! Sorry to be so neglectful. hehe I have lots of funny stories, bittersweet memories/moments, and God lessons so hopefully I can remember them all in this post! Where to start?!
  Let's start with the potty training since it's yielded the funniest/grossest stories and I know how much you enjoy those! The highlighted story is from two days ago. I went to your house to take mommy for a much needed pedicure. I had been there not even 5 minutes and Cecily told Weston that she needed to "poop on the potty" so Weston being the awesome uncle he is, took her into the bathroom. Well she had already peed in her pull up so he left to get a new one and I was unaware that she was even in the bathroom. While he was gone, she proceeded to lock herself in the bathroom. (Thank you by the way for putting all the keys to your doors on the top of your freakishly high door frames where they are impossible for the average human to get down!!) We finally got the door unlocked and much to my horror she had taken all her clothes off, pooped on the floor, and tracked it all the over the floor and her clothing! So while I cleaned her up mommy cleaned the bathroom up all the while Wayne was yelling at us for letting her use his bathroom. It was lovely and honestly really stressful at the moment thanks to Wayne but I can laugh about it now. Colin is down to only 6 pull ups left in his stash so when those run out...he is done! He is NOT happy about this because he knows that underwear doesn't catch pee so he will HAVE to make it to the bathroom EVERY time. He is insistent that big boys wear pull ups and daddy's wear underwear. If he thinks he is going to wait until he is a daddy to wear underwear he is seriously mistaken! Not to mention no woman in her right mind would make him a daddy if he was still wearing pull ups! hahaha So yes, most of my days right now consist of bodily fluids and to be honest...I am kinda over it but sadly have years...and years...and years...of it to go! So I best just get used to it now! hehe
   Moving on...during our family devotions the night before last Colin saw my cross necklace that you got me. He looked at it and said, "My grandpa got this for you! He died on the cross...no that's not right! He died of cancer, JESUS died on the cross! *sigh* I just really miss my grandpa!" Yep, broke my heart! It is such a bittersweet things to have the only grand-kids that you ever got to meet here on earth. I am so thankful that they got to know you, yet it also makes it difficult BECAUSE they love you so much! My future children will know who you are and always know that their grandpa loves them even if you never met them, but they won't have the same bond with you that Colin and Cecily do. Owen is still too little obviously so he won't remember you, but Colin and Cecily will always cherish the memories they have with their grandpa Wayne!
   On the note of the kiddos, their latest "achievements" and such are: Colin is continuing to do well with swimming. He can swim by himself across a pool with a kick board. Today he had a very emotional morning/afternoon/evening so he didn't do as well but he is still making me proud with how far he has come in the last 3 weeks! I start school with him on Sept. 3rd which I am excited about! I have his lessons figured out and a general game plan of how to do it with 2 other kiddos. We'll see how this goes! ha! He is looking forward to starting Cubbies again and all he can talk about is that Ella will be in his group. (Which I have to mention that Ella misses misty Wayne, I believe is what she calls you) Cecily is doing better each day with potty training, loves to sing and dance, and now does the happy/sad face that Great Grandpa Strunk taught us all. It's her favorite right now and if you look at her you are likely to get a little show! She takes such good care of Owen and is very attentive to his needs...maybe too attentive! Her little personality just cracks me up and I love getting to know her as she grows up! Owen...what can I say?! He is still fat and happy! He's such a gem and I feel so blessed to have this little guy in my life. He adores his siblings and in fact if they aren't around he cries for them. He thinks he wants food but if you try to offer anything he just grimaces and doesn't want it, so he is still just having milky milky. Crawling is still a work in progress and I doubt it'll happen anytime soon! He just can't get that head off the ground! But his two top teeth have poked through which brings his total to 4 and the two bottom teeth on either side of his middle ones seem to be trying to come through too so he may have 6 teeth before I know it! Scary!
   As for me, I am just trying to get life figured out. I started seeing a nautropath to see if I can get my hands better. Currently they hurt so bad I can barely function. Simple things like folding laundry make them bleed and anything water related...forget about it! I wake up rubbing them on the sheets and realize there is blood all over from how hard I was scratching them. It's not pretty! The lady I am seeing used to suffer from dishydrosis herself and was able to cure herself with different herbs and such so I am hoping for similar results because being a mommy with this wonderful condition stinks! As always there is laundry to be done, meals to cook, stuff to organize, ballet things to administrate, a bridal shower to plan, and little hearts to tend to. That last one is my favorite!
   Your anniversary is tomorrow and my heart hurts for mommy. She will be headed up to CA to pick up Tobin, and you won't be there. I know she is trying to make the best of it and have a fun trip for the kids but I know deep down this is incredibly difficult for her! Instead of having an anniversary trip, getting roses from you, a sweet love note, and other certain activities (hehehehe) she will be without her love/other-half. You always spoiled her on special occasions and even though I have tried to spoil her for you (outfit from Coldwater Creek as was your tradition and a pedicure) it's just not the same because it's not from you!
  Owen is sitting on the floor hyperventilating (his latest trick) and I can tell is wanting some attention now that his buddies are asleep. Duty calls! I love you and I miss you! I have so much more to catch you up on but I guess it'll have to wait until another time!
  Your Favorite Second Born,
   Carley

  

One of those days

  Today has been one of those days where not having you here seems so incredibly unfair! And you know how much I hate that word..."fair". The Anderson motto is "Life isn't fair!" but today I have thrown that out the window and decided to have a little pity party. (Ha! When I typed that I typed potty party the first time...you can tell what my whole life is revolving around right now!) I sat on your bed, in the spot you took your last breathe on and had a good cry. I got tear drops all over the sheets but I don't think mommy will mind. Even as I type this I have tears streaming uncontrollably down my face. I just can't help it! The pain is just too great to hold it in. Once again I am brought back to the song I have grown to love, "The pain reminds this heart that this is not our home." My real home is with you and with Jesus. *sigh* It seems like an eternity until we will all be reunited yet I know it will be here in the blink of an eye!
   I have a confession. It is going to sound so unJesus but it's what my heart is dealing with so I will be honest about it. Every time I hear stories of miracles...I get angry. I get upset that Jesus didn't do that for you. Is it a right way to feel? Absolutely not! I need to rejoice when others are rejoicing and praise Jesus for His awesome power in others lives! But oh how difficult that is when you wanted the same thing for YOUR dad! I am praying through this emotion a lot and taking those thoughts captive since they aren't from Jesus but currently my immediate response is to get upset and envious. I wanted YOU to be one of those amazing stories! But alas you were not...and here I am writing to you in a blog. *sigh* I'm just gonna say it...it's unfair!
  Mommy, Stacey and Curly (yes you heard that right...Curly went with them!) are on their way back from CA today so I am "baby"sitting the kiddos. Mattie and Christian are on their way to CA to visit his Aunt so the house seems even more lonely. I know for some people having 3 people home is a lot, but in this house only 3 people here seems like it's vacant! My kids are doing a good job of creating enough chaos though! hehe I am relieved/happy that mommy is on her way back because having both parents gone...well it just sucks! (sorry!) I wrote on her mirror with lipstick like you always used to do so that she has something to come home to. You were always leaving her love notes and even though I made an outward "eww" inwardly I rejoiced that my daddy loved my mommy so much! It's such a rare things these days to see someone even at the age of 47 still pursuing and courting his wife! You were a rare man and I am so proud of that!
   I am making a big batch of Mexican chicken tonight. One of your favorites. I will eat an extra taco in your honor! When I went to get the diced tomatoes out I got a good giggle out of what I saw on the shelf...a whole stack of canned dog food! Oh how life has changed over the last 6 weeks! We went from blue barf bags, ensure, and bags of sonic ice to dog toys, canned dog food, and a fluffy little black doggie that has captured our hearts!
   I have another confession...your room has gotten "blessed"  by every single grandkid today! Owen pooped on your comforter...stuck that in the wash. Colin peed on the sheets shortly after...stuck those in the wash. Then Cecily pooped next to the toilet. Got that cleaned up too! I guess they feel so relaxed in your room it...moves them! So mommy will come home to clean bedding and mopped floors thanks to all the "blessings."
  Well mommy will be home soon! (YAY!) So I best get this house picked up for her! We miss you so much and love you a crazy lot!
  Your Favorite Second Born,
    Carley

Here is mommy and Curly in CA. That used to be you and her. :-(

Being Purposeful

Our day started out "early" at 7am. We got up and got the boys ready (Cecily had a sleepover with grammie and took your side of the bed) and headed to Payson to pick up Dorothy from camp. She had a nice time and enjoyed her counselors and cabin buddies. She had lots of funny stories to tell and I know you would have gotten a kick out of them! They involved starchy foods and gas...need I say more? After dropping her off Bryan went and took the burb to the gas station for mommy to fill up the tires with air because her light was on saying the pressure was bad. Wouldn't want her driving in an unsafe vehicle! So that is all taken care of...you're welcome! Megan and I had plans to go out for my birthday so we went to this place called the Herb Box in Scottsdale. It was a neat place and the food was fantastic! We only get to hang out without the kiddos for our birthdays so we decided to celebrate half birthdays so we can have 4x a year instead of 2! hehe
  While at dinner we talked about being purposeful with our kids during the day. Something I struggle with! I find myself getting so caught up in my to-do list (which does need to get done) that I don't take time to at least let the kids come along side me to help and to teach them. So I am purposing to let them come along side me and "help" even though I know at first that means it will take 10x longer to get anything done! I just like to get things done as quickly as possible and not have to redo it...hmmm I sound like someone else who is currently residing in heaven. hehe I am so much like you I scare myself sometimes!
   We have had some fun/crazy storms and clouds the last week or so! Tonight was an awesome haboob that brought lots of rain and dust!! It was chasing us as we got home from your house but we got home about 10 minutes before it hit luckily! I love monsoon storms like that! Arizona has such boring weather...HOT all the time...that when we get storms they are that much more exciting!
   Well this week has lots going on...reorganizing the garage, cleaning out the kids clothes and getting rid of excess, lots of dusting things like ceiling fans and light fixtures, dr appointment for Owen, swim lessons, etc. I used to like busy...and honestly busy is nice in that it keeps me from thinking about you too much and the fact that you aren't here...but I am finding that now I just want peace and quiet. I need time to just sit, think, and keep my eyes fixed on Jesus. I get overwhelmed so easily by all the "what if's" in your life-What if they had found it sooner, what if they had been able to do the hippac (sp?) procedure? All the what if's, but all that does is cause doubt in the perfect plan that Jesus has for this so I am trying to cast those thoughts at His feet and trust that His plan is still good.
   Ok my brain is starting to lose it! 4 nights in a row of 4-5 hours of sleep is starting to get to me! I love you so very much and miss you more than words can do justice!
  Your Favorite Second Born,
  Carley
A few pics for you! A late night Owen screaming picture, Owen in the Robin Hood hat that Colin had put on him (but was way too big), the haboob rolling in, and the appetizer at the restaurant!

Things left behind

Life is a little crazy at the moment! Potty training two kids...a teething baby...a messy disorganized house. So sadly I haven't had time to write you much, and tonight is no different. But I have taken a lot of pics over the last two days and I thought I'd at least post them if I don't have time to sit and write my thoughts. I love you daddy and still miss you like crazy!
 Your Favorite Second Born,
  Carley
Here are some pics I took of the things you left behind...
The contents of your bathroom drawers.

The dry cleaning that mommy picked up but you never wore.

Your dress shoes that you loved so much but now are collecting dust.

Your cell phone case that was always attached to your hip with your phone going off. hehe

Your nicely color coordinated closet.

The sky tonight was beautiful! But you have an even better view from up top! Colin LOVED the rainbow!

Meat and Carbs

  Today was an odd day. The kids wouldn't go to sleep last night til almost midnight...Owen screamed (he's getting his two top teeth) until 3am so both Bryan and I were/are exhausted. Colin came in our room around 8am crying that he had hit his head. I expected him to just be awake at that point but instead he climbed in bed with us and we all went back to sleep. I startled awake at about 10am and shook Bryan to tell him he was totally late for work! haha He jumped out of bed, threw clothes on, and off he went. About 10 minutes later the kids all woke up and we had breakfast and got ready for swim lessons. Thanks to their late wake up time I couldn't get them to nap and I had some stuff that I really needed to get done...needless to say, it didn't get done. They pretty much trashed the living room and got out every toy they own! *sigh* After I write this post I have to clean it all up so stuff doesn't get lost or broken. You know how much I dislike losing toys or them breaking!
  I had some steaks and potatoes that I decided to bring over to mommy's for dinner. Stacey and Mattie also had dinner ideas in mind and because of a lack of communication we all cooked something (better than no one cooking I guess)! Dinner consisted of: Loaded baked potato fries, steak and mashed potatoes, and chicken wings! It was a dinner of champions and we are all very full...with indigestion! Mommy was a dear and sewed Jack a birthday present that I saw online and thought would be perfect and hilarious! It turned out great and I can't wait for him to open it! She didn't get back until about 10pm because she had a hair appointment after dinner (she is looking pretty foxy!) then had to go sew the gift so by the time she got home Weston was a MESS! He left her one of his usual frantic voicemails...and when she said she needed to eat before she put him to bed he started breathing heavily and almost had a panic attack! We all got quite the laugh out of it which I think made it worse....ok I know it made it worse! But it was too funny not to giggle about! He is just so cute and dramatic...just like a little (almost) 4 year old we know and love!
  No real lessons or stories tonight. Just the usual missing you and seeing reminders of you that make my heart hurt. Your hair gel and brush in your bathroom drawer when I went to look for nail trimmers...your wedding ring sitting in it's permanent spot on mom's jewelry box...your Tahoe collecting dust in the driveway. *sigh*
  Oh, Owen is trying to crawl! But I think it will be at least a month or two before he actually succeeds because he can't hold up the weight of his huge head! And those big thighs are pretty heavy to move! He just gets stuck then cries hysterically until I come rescue him. It's adorable and pathetic all at the same time.
  Well that is all I got for tonight. Pretty boring but hey boring is good sometimes! I love you and I miss you more every day! It just doesn't get any easier!
 Your Favorite Second Born,
  Carley

1/4 of a Century

I am now a 1/4 of a century old! Crazy! Seems like just yesterday we would dance around the house to Carmen, Sandy Patty, and Twila Paris. You always humored your girls and did "ballet" with us! It was a very difficult day overall. I haven't really cried on and off this much since the week of your death. Every time I got in the car or had a moment to myself...I cried. I was attempting to put on make up before going out with mom when Bryan asked how I was doing, and I lost it crying....again. So I decided that make up wasn't going to happen because it would just get cried off and went the day being O'natural. The song Held has been special and very applicable to me since the loss of Geoffrey and I hadn't really listened to it since your passing. It came on the radio today and all over again it hit me...this song was seriously written for me! Just the first paragraph alone highlights the most difficult moments in my life!
"Two months is too little,
they let him go,
they had no sudden healing.
To think that providence
would take a child from his mother
while she prays, is appalling."
From the time you became become obviously sick to the time you died it was just about 2 months. I prayed everyday for my little Geoffrey, and God took him home before I got to meet him. See? It was written for me! The song continues on to say,
"Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens to us


Who have died to live, it's unfair
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive


This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held"
Throughout both those tragedies in my life I can honestly say that I was and have been held in His strong and loving hand. It has been during the darkest moments in my life that I have felt the closest to Him and the most loved by Him. I don't know why He has allowed me to lose a baby and my father, but He has kept His word, He has never left me or forsaken me!
   On our way to dinner tonight, mom and I saw an elderly couple walking through Agritopia holding hands. Immediately we both said how difficult that was to see. Mommy feels so jipped from growing old with you. She wanted to sit on the porch with you after you retired (ha, you retired?!) and sip tea and eat breakfast. Go on walks through the neighborhood holding hands. Go on fun little trips with you. All things that she never anticipated being so abruptly taken away from her. I always imagined you being the fun, old, grayed haired, grandpa playing with all your grandkids...teaching them bad table manners, throwing banana peels after mommy cleaned the floors, playing basketball, and just goofing around with them. Now I will never get to see you do those things with my kids or my future nieces and nephews. We are trying to not let our hearts get bitter or upset by all the "could have beens" but it's so hard not to think about what you will miss out on and what we will miss having you here for. I always got a birthday card with a picture of your face taped to it. I didn't get one this year...and never will again. Ugh, that just made my stomach drop.
   Ok, off of the depressing subjects. I DID have a nice birthday despite the emotions and was treated like a princess. Tamara took me to the Coffee Shop and treated me to lunch and a cupcake. Everything was delicious and she even got me a gift card for a massage! She knows me so well! I then took Colin to go pick out a birthday present for his friend's party tonight and he talked me into getting him a little something as well. He has me wrapped around his cute little finger! hehe Originally we were going to go to Kona Grill but I decided I wanted my free birthday meal from Joe's Farmhouse so we went and I got my once a year hotdog. (which by the way I am currently regretting now that I have horrible indigestion) Then we went to a meeting at Wayne's school about ways to pay for tuition through their gift card program. It was a very adult way to spend a birthday! haha Mommy then gave me a birthday present from them all and it was a beautiful new outfit that i can wear to church! I love it and I know you would approve!
   Well it's almost 11pm and my kids are still up and running around the house. I guess I should go take care of that! I love you daddy and wish you had been here to celebrate with us...because as you know...without you...there would be no ME!
 Your Favorite Second Born,
 Carley